i have been in a real funk. death is never an easy thing. the circumstances in this case make it even harder for me. i find myself bursting into tears of rage and anger. the kids keep looking at me weird. the tears keep coming, and coming. lucky i havn't burst into tears in front of a total stranger yet but it has only been two days. i feel sick. physically. i can't seem to shake it. it's probably from stress but it stresses me out knowing if i would just calm down i wouldn't be sick. other people sad makes me sad, and there are a lot of sad people. music makes it worse. feelings make me uncomfortable. i have always had an easier time embracing my emotions though music. pretty much any emotion. that is not to say i have an easier time dealing with me emotions through music but i can at least figure out what they are. baby steps right? either way i stop. just stop and stare, several times a day. when it becomes to much.

many beautiful things have been said about jessika. i don't think i can top them or even come close. her family amazes me. she amazes me.

1 comment:

Laura said...

There's just no way to embrace death. When my grandpa died the only thing that comforted me was that my Mom told me that I should be grateful for the memories I had with him that brought on the tears.

I'm sorry for your loss Megan, but it's still not easy.