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josh and i were out shopping so we could spend some christmas money. i was having trouble .

nevermind. i actually can't even think right now. i'm wonder if this happens to alot of people. you know, when you can't even keep a straight thought in your head. it makes you feel a little crazy. but i don't even have time to think i'm crazy before that thought moves on making room for the next loudest. i just feel like i am rocking back and forth, back and forth. like if i keep doing that my mind will slow down. it never does though. i wonder why that is?

have you ever tried to cry. i mean really tried. it isn't very easy. usually you have to think if something sad which defeats the purpose. i try to cry to relieve stress or whatever and if i think of something sad then it just adds to my crappy feeling. i wonder why that is. i mean if you feel bad then you should be able to cry but it is like you are physically incapable.

i like to sit really still. that feels nice. it's weird because i don't get tired when i do that. it just feels good.

music feels good too. i like how it sounds but it is like i can feel it. not all music. it depends on my mood. it feels like a drug. i can feel my muscles relax and get warm.

i wonder what other people think. you see on tv all the time how that happens to someone and they go kind of crazy. i don't think it would bother me. i just wonder if i annoy them as much as they annoy me. i would assume yes.

why don't people just say what they mean? i think it would suck at first but then we would all get used to it and you wouldn't have to figure out what people really mean.

some people make me tingle. not in a sexual way. when i see them or talk to them i feel something. i wonder why?


isabella'a wishes

i thought this one was cute.

thought i would give a cute shot with all the girls. well, danielle is hiding.

i have made a wish list for isabella on target.com and amazon.com. just in case any of you wanted to get her something but were wondering what to get her. i couldn't get any one site that had everything so i had to do two. they are either under isabella's name or mine.



when i was a kid my mom had these tapes we would listen to to teach you things and build your self esteem and such. i enjoyed listening to them. i realized fairly quickly that most kids never listened to these tapes.

ok, i was watching tv. there is a new movie coming out with gob bluth where he is in prison.
i didn't think much of it until the end of the preview. there is this clip where he is sitting on the floor of his cell crying and his cell mate looks at him really annoyed. he then says this: "it's alright to cry. crying lets the sad out of you".

my head pops up when i hear this and i look at josh who gives me that blank stare i got so many other times when i told people about those tapes. what i want to know is this. how many of you know this quote/song?



The other day after I trimmed her bangs Isabella came up up me and said "Mommy, if you keep cutting my hair it will be short like Daddy's."

Isabella and I have been having quite a few battles about her hair. If she even sees me with a brush she starts to cry and I am very gentle. I asked her if she wanted a haircut and she gave me several answers. In the end she decided no. That is until we were able to open the video of Stella drawing on the sidewalk. When I asked Isabella if she wanted short hair like Stella she immediately said yes. I thought if she was going to let me cut her hair I would try learning how to layer. In the end she only got about 1/2 inch of layers but I didn't want to really screw up and make her hair really short. I wasn't happy but didn't want to go any shorter for now. Isabella and josh like it though so I guess that's good.

I was trying to take a picture from the side but at the last minute she turned.

Here is a side shot.

Watching Fantasia

One more smiley.

I'm sad to say that we lost this hat in park city last Saturday. we haven't told Isa yet. It was her favorite.



I have decided that my life here is unbelievably boring. Isa and I go to the library every other week and do the laundry at least once a week. Other than that she doesn't see other kids much. Well, church I guess but in Boone we were always going somewhere. It's not that I am sitting at home thinking about how great it would be to have more friends. I don't really care. I actually prefer to be alone. I know, I know, it's not "healthy". It's just that I have friends, great friends and I don't really want more. I know there are people who want me to blossom and realize how great it is out here. Here is the thing. It's not. The only people I really get along with are people who hate it here too. Even then all we talk about is how annoying it is here.

I am perfectly content to sit at home and clean or read. On an up note our house has never been cleaner. I only go out when Isabella starts to freak out. That is my only driving factor. Even though I want to stay inside I can't make Isa. She loves to be outdoors and with other kids so I try to go and take her somewhere as often as I can.

I guess the bottom line is that people try and tell me that I should get out and do things so I will feel better. The thing is I don't feel bad. I think I should but I don't. I only feel bad when I go out.

Here Dad.


Halloween and Everything

I have quite a few pictures to put on here. I didn't really want this blog to become just pictures of our life but it has been made clear by those who will remain nameless that that is what is wanted. So here.

Better pictures of me with my bangs.

Isabella has been practicing her bike. She is really adorable with her helmet on.

We also had our ward costume carnival tonight. My downstairs neighbor convinced me to sign up for the pumpkin carving contest when the list came to us on Sunday and then she didn't even sign up. Oh, well we had fun carving them. Josh did strongbad and Isabella picked a profile of homestar runner for ours. Well, I have never won anything in my life so I wasn't really investing anything in the contest but everyone loved it. I actually won first place out of like 12 pumpkins. I am super excited about it! Here is a pic josh took.

Here is Isabella with both pumpkins. Josh's kind of fell over.

They did costume contests for everyone. Here are some of the kids. Eva is the unicorn. The alligator is Caleb and the pumpkin is Jackson. All the kids were adorable.

Isabella really loves this little boy named Gordon. He is two years old and really sweet. It's not that he doesn't like Isabella it's just that she really really likes him and I think it freaks him out a bit. Anyway, Isa wanted a picture of them all dressed up. This picture was taken right after he had his picture taken with his cousin for 15 very loud minutes.

We also had our first snow so I went outside and got Isa a big bowl of snow which she loved.

Here is a cute one of Isa reading the comics that I couldn't resist putting in.



Isabella really wanted a picture of us. this is the first glimps at my new bangs. i will post better pictures later. i haven't had bangs in 11 years. it is an adjustment.

I got some cute new shirts while we were at the mall. i like the elephants.

We took isa to buy a new outfit for dog. she has been doing a great job potty training so we wanted to give her a special treat. she picked a pajama set with hello kitty on it with matching panties. she carried her around the mall all night. she even took her down the slide at the play area. we didn't know until tonight that dog was a girl. she keeps calling her a him though. i think she said dog was a girl so she could get a pink outfit.

Another cute one.

Isabella took this one of dog herself.


democrats use bookmarks. republicans like to bend over pages.

how do you know when it is bedtime at mark foley's house? the big hand is on the little hand.


Happy Birthday!!!

Happy birthday Appy!!!

We miss you bunches. love you two.

Another one for good measure

ok, maybe one more


This and that

I had a few odd things to right about so I figured I would throw them all into one post.

first I really miss the food network, bravo and USA. I have however found a new TV addiction. We have a ton of foreign channels here and I am totally addicted to this Korean dramedy called full house. It goes like this.

boy A ( a movie star) and girl B(his clothing designer) have been best friends since they were 9. Girl B is in a relationship with boy C (executive at boy A's studio). Then comes girl D (a writer) , who through a series of unfortunate events has her house sold to boy A while she is in china on vacation. He makes a deal with her that they will have a contract marriage. It will help his image and he will let her live there as his maid.

now, girl B's relationship with boy C is really screwed up b/c he is totally self absorbed and only wants what he can't have. They break up. Girl B starts to interfere in what she thinks is a real marriage and is trying to steal boy A from girl D. Meanwhile boy C starts to fall for girl D (she writes scripts for him). He peruses her even though he thinks her marriage is real.

here is the problem. Boy A and girl D are really mean to each other most of the time but the happen to only be that way b/c they are in love with each other but think the other person is not and they don't want to be the only one.

then boy C and girl B find out A and D's marriage is fake and tell girl D and boy A that they are in love with them and want them to leave each other and "come to them" as they put it.

the thing is A and D would stay together if one of them would just tell the other how they feel.

it is just killing me because it is obvious to be that boy A and girl D are perfect for each other but they are both to stubborn. I broke down and read the episode summaries through hen end but they don't tell you what happens, just a teaser. I have decided to wait until next Thursday to watch again because each episode is 1 1/2 hours long and I am getting way to attached. I can't wait to know what happens.
for anyone who was really confused by my description of the show you can read for yourself on azntv.com.

the other thing was something isa said the other day when we were driving home. josh was giving me a key to our storage unit. isa wanted one but we only had two so I gave her the little key ring it came on. She said it was her ring and was happy I heard this.

isa: I lost my ring!!

me and josh: what?

isa: I lost my wedding ring and now I can never get married!!! sob, sob, sob.

me and josh: silence, then laughter.

i got dinner at subway tonight and told the girl everything but cucumbers and olives. i then look away for about two seconds and look back to see her dumping 3/4 of a cup of olives all over my sandwich. what the freakin' hey!!



So I have been here for almost a week. The reason I haven't posted is, I'm not sure what to say. My gut is literally telling me this is not home. I am so sick by about 3 pm every day that I just lay on the couch. Please no "maybe you're pregnant" comments. I'm not. I am really trying to convince myself this is normal but I know I don't deal well with change. This is probably the biggest change short of getting married and my body doesn't like it. Isabella and I have been cleaning mostly. She is sick with something and has been for a couple days so we can't really go out even if I knew where anything was.

I think I still felt "safe" when mom was here because until she left it was all still optional in my mind.

We got some cute pictures while she was here.

Here we are walking to campus. We brought he stroller for Isa to ride in. She refused.

Here they are having ice cream at the creamery on 9th

We walked over to the Provo temple for family home evening. Isabella really liked the fountains. We had to take some group shots.

Isa with mommy and daddy.

And of course a funny face.


Pretend Stella

While we were in North Augusta a couple of weeks ago Isabella spent quite a bit of time in the pool. While I was fetching her toys on one occasion I came out of the water to hear her say "sit right here Stella". I asked her who she was talking to and she looks at me like I am stupid or something and says "my friend pretend Stella". I thought this was adorable and videotaped her playing with Stella in the pool for a while. I figured she would forget about it after a while but now two weeks later pretend Stella is still around. She comes everywhere with us. Sometimes she is small enough to fit in your hand and sometimes she is Isabella sized but Isa doesn't go long without talking about her.

On one occasion she asked Katie to hold her but then looked at her and said " but don't eat her" with a concerned look on her face. Like Katie makes it a habit to eat small children.

Isa has even started blaming things on pretend Stella. If I catch her doing something bad she will say "It was pretend Stella" "or Stella and I were only pretending". It is so cute I have a hard time disciplining her for things.


Movie Review

Josh and I recently changed our movie pass from in-store to online. I have really enjoyed it because we get three movies at a time instead of one. We recently watched a movie I really liked so I thought I would tell you about it.

It is called Shattered Glass. I don't know if any of you remember a story back in 1998 about a guy named Stephen Glass. He was a writer for The New Republic magazine which is famous for finding new young talented writers. Stephen was famous for really great stories. Everyone loved him because he was always really nice and always tried to please. Well, it ended up that he made up over half of his non-fiction stories and gets busted.

the cast includes, Steve Zahn, Rosario Dawson, Hayden Christensen, peter Sarsgaard, and hank Azaria. What is really neat is that it is very accurate. They got as many of the real life people to help with the script as possible so they could stay true to life.

I think what I find so amazing about this movie is Steve reminds me so much of several people I know, some more than others. I have always wondered how those people function in the world and this gave me a look. Of course in the end he gets busted but at first you kind of feel bad for him. It gave me that release and satisfaction of being able to nail every liar I have know that hasn't been caught yet. Even though I knew in the beginning that he was a liar I still wanted to believe him. When people start digging into his stories you start to believe all his cover answers. I mean he goes to great lengths to make it seem real. Even when it is obvious that he made up all these lies he still wont deny it so you think that you are wrong because surely he would admit it at that point, but he wont. I mean the guy is totally what I like to call a "pathological pretender". The "60 minutes" interview on the special features is very comical. They have interviews with Steve
Glass and his editor along with some co-workers.

In the end the real guy ended up writing a "fictional" book about a pathological liar journalist. Hello! That isn't fiction, it's called an autobiography! Even now he can't tell the truth. It's really good, you should see it.


Yes, I'm Bitter

Since this blog was originally established for me to complain about things I thought it was high time I did.

Most of you know I'm sure (since everyone constantly reminds me) that I am trying to have another baby and have not done it fast enough for the general public. The fact that people some how think I have any real control over this fact is not what I want to complain about. What really kills me is that everyone I see is having a baby. Now, there are certain people that I am very happy for. I cannot however be ok with not being pregnant when freaking Brittany k-funk is having her second, poor little suri cruise (say that fast, sound like anywhere you know?) is being ignored, and big lips and instadad are having "the most beautiful baby ever". HELLO, PERFECTLY GOOD UTERUS RIGHT HERE!!!!

And just as a warning, don't give me any of that "it will happen when it is meant to happen" crap I've had enough.


It's all a blur

Sunday started like any other and staying that way until right after nap. Isabella woke up and josh and I went in her room to play a little. She started dancing around but then stopped and said her tummy hurt. She has been saying that a lot lately so I didn't pay much attention. a few minutes later she and josh were on the bed and she started coughing ad gagging and all the fun began. She threw up once then and we thought it was over. She proceeded to throw up for the next 28 hours. I had never seen her do this before so after the first night of throwing up I called the doctor to see if I should bring her in since she couldn't keep anything down. They said yes so I made an appointment and waited for josh to get home. (he was at the grocery store). After a while I started to worry that he wouldn't be back in time and called my sister to come get us since it was snowy and she has 4wd. She of course, being a wonderful aunt, came and got us. That day I spent 6 hours in the doctors office so the could run tests and observe her. By the next morning I she was obviously dehydrated so I brought her back in and spent another 2.5 hours.

In the end we have no idea what was wrong with her. They said "something was going around" whatever that means. She is still a little droopy but can hold things down and we all spent the night in our won bed last night which was nice. Well, she did come in there for a little while but went back eventually.


A little too soon

I was driving up to the cabin today and Isabella said something I was hoping I wouldn't hear for a few more years.

as I was driving I hear her say "mommy, I need my pacifier, pacifier" this means she wants two pacifers. I tell her she doesn't need one. She replies with " yes, I need two pacifiers" so I say that she is a big girls and doesn't need a pacifier unless she is going to sleep. She then pops out with " I'm not a big girl........you don't love me anymore". That's right, she has already used that line. I think I was at least 6 or so before I pulled that one. I don't think it had the desired affect though. I started laughing.