The Nastiness of You


Em has been playing pretend with here baby a lot. usually it is playing doctor. she listens to her with a stethoscope and pats her and or me on the leg and says "K". very cute. so when i saw this.

i thought "oh how cute she is changing her diaper." once i got the other side i saw she wasn't.

"oh, she's is feeding her."

"WAIT!!! what is she feeding her?!?!"

that's right. poo. out of and old diaper.

she was pretty upset that i stopped her. i however, was too grossed out to care!


The Monkey on My Back

This morning i felt like this guy was perched on my back.

josh and i got some bad news. i now it's going to kill my many readers but i'm not going to tell you what. lets just say it would be something really hard for us to deal with and leave it at that. we were/are pretty worried and miserable about it. as i was doing my best to stay busy so i wouldn't think about it a friend/therapist called. yes i call them my friends. they like me. so there.

anyway, i got some bad news about another friend/therapist. suddenly my gorilla felt more like this.

ok before anyone corrects me i realize that neither of these pictures are actually of monkeys. they just worked better to serve my point which is all anyone really cares about right?

sometimes i feel like i am being punished. that God has forsaken me. can't he see how hard my life is?! why would he do this to me if i hadn't done something horrible? ok, so maybe i am just a little self centered at times. i'm aloud to say that. you aren't ;)

the right answer is no. and yes. no, he has not forsaken me. yes he know how hard (I think) my life is. Then he shows me. what i think of as horrible is not so bad. It might not be much fun at the time or have a very good (visible) reason for it. sometimes it will just plain suck. sometimes in those moments of suck i get stuck. wallowing in what i think my life should be. in all the ways i think i have been short changed. then i look around and see examples of what my life COULD be. does that change what is happening to me and (my family). see i remember them sometimes! not really. it does help me be grateful that i feel like this is something that we can do. something that wont cripple us. i haven't felt like that in a while.

hello little lemur. nice to meet you.



a week or two ago Isa experienced her first hail storm. I loved these as a kid. One time in particular my mom let us hold pots and pans on our head so we could run around and catch our own hail. well, Isa wasn't so keep on being out there for that long but she did want to collect some to examine.

here is is making a run for hail. i was on the porch directing her to the larger pieces.

her bowl of collected hail. you can't really see in this picture but in real life you could see all the layers of ice that froze on the way down. i finally got to teach her something fun from my geography classes.

her biggest piece. that she could reach without "really" getting in the hail.


Spring Day!

yes this is super late but i FINALLY got a new monitor (mother's day gift) so i can post pictures that weren't taken with my cell phone again.

brief explanation. we didn't have Easter when i was a kid. don't get me wrong we celebrated the religious holiday we just didn't have an "Easter bunny". instead we had the spring day bunny. he would usually come on the Saturday closest to the first day of spring (i think) and bring treats and spring time stuff like seeds and gardening tools. not my favorite part but now i can respect it. anyway, josh and i carry on this tradition with our kids. minus the seeds part. hey, we don't have a yard or anything. maybe one day. we also had an egg hunt. so here are our pictures from spring day 2011.

Isa's basket/pile

Em's basket/pile and my very messy dining room/kitchen. don't judge.

the hunt (once again kind of lame without a yard but we manage)

em put herself in charge of the basket.

Isa was really good about helping em find eggs too

other then Isa this monkey is em's best friend. i got it for her when she was about 9 months old. she "talks" to him all day and even hugs and kisses him.

just so cute...and old :(

Isa had been asking for this since a month before it came out. i had it 2 days after it came out and then had to keep it hidden in my closet for 3 weeks! it was excruciating. i had hidden it behind the place mat thinking she would then find it last. nope she found it second. right after the place mat. p.s. so after i read the post through with the picture i realized you can't see the front. it's tangled.


Happy Like a Hipster

you have to admit, hipsters seem happy. well, happier then i am. generally. they seem so young and vibrant. it makes me feel old and stale. did i ever look like them? all posed and glowing at some hip party? probably not. should i just face that i have allowed my anxiety to completely cripple my entire life? i would like to think i used to be quirky enough that i could have been one of these girls if i hadn't let my fear consume me.
maybe not. it seems like everyone at my age seems to be exceptional at something. they have some special skill they love and have spent years nurturing. something that puts a smile like this on their face. i am pretty much mediocre at everything. passable but not exceptional. it makes me blend with everyone and everything. there was a time where that is what i thought would be best. if i blended i would never feel embarrassed/anxious. now i am alone. alone and anxious. completely blended and unexceptional. i can't say i am surprised. i even overlook myself. i used to think this was a good motherly skill. you know, putting your kids needs before your own. i didn't balance myself well. so now i am even mediocre at mothering. blended and unexceptional.
see! a hipster wouldn't be thinking these things!! they would be thrilled with their outfit, friends and surroundings in general. they would have just finished with some crafty project or participated in some nonprofit help the less fortunate kind of thing in their cute outfit with said friends. sounds happy to me. what did i just do? made dinner, put one kid in front of the tv while i yelled directions at the other and finally zoned out on the computer. mediocre at best. i passed the mark.

i wish i was happy like a hipster.


my own rapunzel

Isabella is the worst hair person ever! if she even sees a hair brush come near her she bursts into tears and makes the most annoying noises. she told me a few months ago that she was going to grow her hair down to her butt (thanks quentin). i cringed and hoped it was just a phase. well, after having lice 5 times this year in her class she had had enough of getting her hair brushed. plus i got her Tangled for Spring Day. she came to me last weekend and said she wanted me to give her the haircut Rapunzel has after her hair gets cut near the end of the movie. i can do some hair cuts, but not that. my skills are limited to straight cuts and a little blending. i gave my fiend holly a call and got isabella an appointment. i was a little sad since this would be isa's first hair cut by someone other then me. :( i figured it was better to do that then have me butcher the poor girls hair. she couldn't wait until her appointment to have the length off though so i went ahead and did that. i had to get new hair scissors because isabella's hair is SUPER think and i didn't trust my old scissors.

so here she is pre hair cut. pretty cute if i say so myself.

here is what she wanted

here is what she got. she really loves it and i must say i do too. we left off the shorter layers by rapunzel's face because i knew they would not stay out of isa's face at all. she didn't notice they weren't there. once again it's a cell phone pic. sorry. it really is very close to the real thing. i even got her a cute girly hair straightener to style it.