tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58321652024-03-07T02:27:42.364-05:00Rocks In My Bralittle things in life that make me uncomfortableMeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.comBlogger398125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-66805282921440217612021-10-19T21:19:00.001-04:002021-10-19T21:19:24.564-04:008:53 pm It's 8:53 pm on a Tuesday. I'm crying. I've been up since 5:30 am. My daughter kicked me in the face tonight, twice. Shoes on. That was just the beginning. Or should I say the norm? She regularly becomes violent. Some days are worse than others but we rarely have one without an "episode" anymore. We have special locks on our bedroom doors so we can lock ourselves in so she doesn't break Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-43948088584411639502020-08-13T17:27:00.000-04:002020-08-13T17:27:28.045-04:00You Don't Know What Tired Is Are you tired of being in your house? Tired of wearing a mask all the time? Tired of not being able to get your nails done, have your hair cut, eat inside a restaurant, hang out with friends, see your extended family, go on vacation, play sports, or a million other things not with your immediate family unit at your home? Oh, you've done some of those things? I'm sure you had a great Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-38609433376544635382019-10-18T12:04:00.000-04:002019-10-18T12:04:06.468-04:00Mental Corset Emmeline had an Endocrinology appointment last week and it was rough. I had to restrain her, twice. On the second go round she started yelling "I DON'T FEEL SAFE!!!" It sucked. When she was little I used to make the nurses restrain her and then swoop in to "save" her when they were finished. As she gets older it's vastly more completed. She's been through a lot so she knows what's coming but she Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-16570199542961043842019-09-18T13:30:00.001-04:002019-09-18T13:30:54.440-04:00Some Superheroes Wear Gentle Leaders
I don't know why it works, but it does. When we started the whole process of getting Emmeline a service dog it was mainly for mobility and to help her in challenging hearing situations. Once we were nearing the final stages before class it became glaringly apparent that we had a much greater need; behavior disruption.
The older Emmeline got and the more demands that were placed on her Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-8783228974301805892019-09-16T17:41:00.001-04:002019-09-16T17:41:07.760-04:00It Is Your (Harry Potter) Birthday.Emmeline went back and forth a few times about whether she wanted a Harry Potter party or not this year. Last year she really wanted one but...being a preteen is rough and she was starting to feel like her friends wouldn't think it was cool. She ended up sticking with it and loved how it turned out. We had friends from all across the board, some new everything about HP, some knew a little and Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-71056533837296256962019-05-29T14:22:00.003-04:002019-05-29T14:35:55.433-04:00It LingersI used to write in my journal every day, like clockwork. It was a habit I got into in high school because for every journal I filled my mom would take me to this rally nice book store to pick a new one. They had the most beautiful journals so it was a great incentive. Even though my journals eventually evolved into much less fancy/fun covers I continued the habit. Boxes full.
I started to have Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-79249961448330917632018-11-08T18:01:00.000-05:002018-11-08T18:01:03.678-05:00Tube HolesWhile doing some online Christmas shopping, I came across this. Cue me crying while people stare awkwardly (that seems to be happening more and more lately but, whatevs). Anyway, clothes with abdominal openings?! I liked target before, but now I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant!
I had to cut a hole in almost everything Emmeline wore (especially her blanket Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-2319852122764218472018-11-02T15:43:00.001-04:002018-11-02T15:43:17.061-04:00I RefuseToday, I was asked to take Emmeline and leave a public location. Why? Because her crying was bothering people. I was speechless. Well, honestly there was quite a bit of speech happening in my head, but it's probably best that it didn't come out at that moment.
The short answer? No.
The longer answer? I refuse.
I refuse to make my daughter feel more excluded merely so you can feel more Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-89975041486615543752018-01-26T19:36:00.000-05:002018-01-26T19:36:17.415-05:00Every TimeI kept Isa home from school today.
At 6:00am just after my alarm went off I got a txt from her school telling me that threats had been made against students at the school but "not to worry. Yeah, no. At first I was worried that I was just freaking out for no reason. That I was being "that" parent. But you know what? I didn't care.
I remember so vividly, being in high school, Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-85950794978672741922017-10-26T11:08:00.003-04:002017-10-26T11:09:50.951-04:0040%A couple of days ago I shared this blog post on Facebook. So many people responded with love validation and support :). Interestingly though, a whopping 40% of the interactions I had about this post did EXACTLY what I was talking about. It was then that I realized, "They don't even know they're doing it!"
I'm not going to name names because that isn't important. Most people don't realize Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-3366668005554663022017-10-23T15:12:00.001-04:002017-10-23T15:14:29.637-04:00It's All Not Going To Be "OK"I like to keep it real around here. None of this motivational crap. Why? Because, that is not my life.
That is not the life of many parents who have children with special needs. I may have moments where I see the successes of hard work, but those moments are often over shadowed with, well, the work. Yes, Emmeline can walk. But only after HOURS and HOURS of PT. Hours and hours Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-24824721344684464222017-10-08T11:02:00.000-04:002017-10-08T11:02:01.888-04:00'Tis The SeasonEarly October is always hard for me. It has become my scheduled extra worry time. Today marks the morning of Emmeline's first of many surgeries. It's hard to think back on what I thought my life would be like then and what it has turned into in reality. When you're told your baby needs surgery, you assume it's just the one. That they will fix whatever minor problem Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-22707977180518281602017-05-17T15:41:00.000-04:002017-05-17T15:41:13.014-04:00Not Today, But When?We have worked really hard since she was born to give Emmeline her best shot at life. At first that meant helping her eat and breath. That turned into multiple surgeries, doctor appointments and more therapy than I can count. We have probably spent weeks, if not months in driving time getting her to the best specialists we could find, and she has excelled. She is doing Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-48253785771483318562017-05-15T13:44:00.001-04:002017-05-15T13:44:18.396-04:00A Mother of a DaySome Mother's Days are like this:
This girl knows me so well.
Some Mother's Days are like this:
After I refused to hold her juice filled plate while also driving the van. She wants Daddy.
My Mother's Day was both, several times. Emmeline is not a respecter of holidays and neither is teenage hormone Isa. At tuck in Isa and I were talking about it and I had anMeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-66910697345346750922017-05-11T15:00:00.002-04:002017-05-11T15:00:58.900-04:00The Down and DirtyIt's kind of my thing. I say what everyone else is thinking, and then some. Most of the time it's the funny things. Not so much of late.
I'm just going to lay it out there for anyone else who might be in the same spot. Solidarity and all that. Lately I haven't found anything funny. If I'm not in a fog then I'm sad or raging pretty hard. I have been having recurring dreams Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-19371549894419576072016-07-12T09:34:00.000-04:002016-07-12T15:27:51.866-04:00Why I RunEveryone runs for a reason.
I chuckle/gag when I run past a girl with perfume, matching workout outfit and earrings with her hair all fixed or a guy soaked in cologne. What the heck are you doing out here!? Leave the people who are sucking in air for all they are worth in peace so we don't have to choke on your fumes.
I get annoyed when a guy riding past on his bike slows down and Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-36684001592500220952016-05-26T13:20:00.002-04:002016-05-26T13:20:35.156-04:00ValidationI ran across this little gem today on Facebook. It tells the story of 13 year old girl and her phone. It is, in one word, heartbreaking. This girl is living the life I fear for Isa. Not that she is a bad kid. She is academic and involved in sports. She has a loving family and has all of her life necessities readily available. It's just that dang phone. Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-77733953442682834082016-05-03T11:51:00.000-04:002016-05-03T11:51:19.031-04:00HeavyI have a dear friend who is in the hospital with her child. It's hard to watch. The memories come back like a flood. Being in the the hospital wears on you. It's like as soon as that admit paperwork is processed you pick up this 50 pound bag of rocks and carry it with you everywhere. It's exhausting and sometimes there seems to be no end in sight. You might be there Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-16632898568054174662016-01-14T09:40:00.000-05:002016-01-14T09:45:47.873-05:00Up To SomethingI got a txt and started frantically searching the Internet. Hoping it was all a hoax. No. My number 1 was number 2 in the rule of 3s. I started getting txts from friends but couldn't really answer. My breakfast is still sitting on my desk next to me. I keep flipping back and forth from wanting to eat everything and nothing. Nothing is winning. It's Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-31139130316525403132015-12-16T11:27:00.003-05:002015-12-16T11:51:43.527-05:00This Wouldn't Happen If I Had A Penis!My Mom emailed me an article. It's amazing. It said, in a much more articulate way, what I have been saying for years. Here is a link. I highly recommend reading the whole thing but the gist is, society sucks. OK maybe that wasn't their gist, but it's true. This particular article is addressing the HUGE gender bias in LDS Church programs for girls VS boys. This shortMeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-78831600036641455472015-12-08T14:57:00.003-05:002015-12-08T14:57:45.405-05:00Forevermore I've always been lucky to have great men in my life. My Uncle John was one of the more awesome. It's been almost a year since he passed away. My heart still hurts from it. All the time. I think there are things that happen that make us sad, maybe really sad, but there are only a few that make that mark on your heart. That whatever portion of your heart that held thatMeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-71597048833438652812015-09-24T22:10:00.003-04:002015-09-24T22:10:48.020-04:00As Mushy As This Girl GetsIn my freshman year of college I had my heart broken. It was devastating and I thought there was no recovery in sight. I was sure I would never move on and so I decided to plan out my life alone. I still wanted kids so I assumed I would just use a sperm bank or something. I was tough. I could handle the logistics of child rearing and love the crap out of that kid.
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-81434937839231370872015-09-08T10:27:00.000-04:002015-09-08T10:28:36.051-04:00The Perfect Space
Those that know me well know that I frequently say the phrase "I hate the way emotions make me feel". This is mostly due to the fact that when I feel an emotion I FEEL that emotion. It is very very intense and I have trouble processing it. In some cases like sadness, anxiety or fear it will cause physical pain that can overstimulate me to the point of a freak out/shutdown. &Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-55302672503800165442015-09-02T11:52:00.001-04:002015-09-02T11:52:52.222-04:00The Sweet DoctorShortly after the closure announcement a dear friend posted the last few seconds of 10's life. The iconic phrase of " I don't want to go" was uttered and our hearts all broke. In that instant you know the emotional loss regeneration takes. I used this line as a way of simply expressing my feelings about this place. It ended up that I didn't have to go in the end, but Sweet BriarMeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5832165.post-21117900137347139212015-07-22T21:31:00.002-04:002015-07-22T22:28:41.112-04:00Sometimes You Just Gotta Yell and Scream! (in your head)Everyone is very interested. They ask all the time. In many settings and situations. The questions are usually something like these.
"Isn't it great that Sweet Briar is staying open?"
"I bet you're so relieved!"
"Are you guys staying?"
"It must be such a load off."
etc, etc...
I smile, nod, and thank them for their concern. I should be all of those things, but I'm not and I try Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09191587359900179250noreply@blogger.com0