The Monkey on My Back

This morning i felt like this guy was perched on my back.


josh and i got some bad news. i now it's going to kill my many readers but i'm not going to tell you what. lets just say it would be something really hard for us to deal with and leave it at that. we were/are pretty worried and miserable about it. as i was doing my best to stay busy so i wouldn't think about it a friend/therapist called. yes i call them my friends. they like me. so there.

anyway, i got some bad news about another friend/therapist. suddenly my gorilla felt more like this.


ok before anyone corrects me i realize that neither of these pictures are actually of monkeys. they just worked better to serve my point which is all anyone really cares about right?

sometimes i feel like i am being punished. that God has forsaken me. can't he see how hard my life is?! why would he do this to me if i hadn't done something horrible? ok, so maybe i am just a little self centered at times. i'm aloud to say that. you aren't ;)

the right answer is no. and yes. no, he has not forsaken me. yes he know how hard (I think) my life is. Then he shows me. what i think of as horrible is not so bad. It might not be much fun at the time or have a very good (visible) reason for it. sometimes it will just plain suck. sometimes in those moments of suck i get stuck. wallowing in what i think my life should be. in all the ways i think i have been short changed. then i look around and see examples of what my life COULD be. does that change what is happening to me and (my family). see i remember them sometimes! not really. it does help me be grateful that i feel like this is something that we can do. something that wont cripple us. i haven't felt like that in a while.

hello little lemur. nice to meet you.