Happy Like a Hipster

you have to admit, hipsters seem happy. well, happier then i am. generally. they seem so young and vibrant. it makes me feel old and stale. did i ever look like them? all posed and glowing at some hip party? probably not. should i just face that i have allowed my anxiety to completely cripple my entire life? i would like to think i used to be quirky enough that i could have been one of these girls if i hadn't let my fear consume me.
maybe not. it seems like everyone at my age seems to be exceptional at something. they have some special skill they love and have spent years nurturing. something that puts a smile like this on their face. i am pretty much mediocre at everything. passable but not exceptional. it makes me blend with everyone and everything. there was a time where that is what i thought would be best. if i blended i would never feel embarrassed/anxious. now i am alone. alone and anxious. completely blended and unexceptional. i can't say i am surprised. i even overlook myself. i used to think this was a good motherly skill. you know, putting your kids needs before your own. i didn't balance myself well. so now i am even mediocre at mothering. blended and unexceptional.
see! a hipster wouldn't be thinking these things!! they would be thrilled with their outfit, friends and surroundings in general. they would have just finished with some crafty project or participated in some nonprofit help the less fortunate kind of thing in their cute outfit with said friends. sounds happy to me. what did i just do? made dinner, put one kid in front of the tv while i yelled directions at the other and finally zoned out on the computer. mediocre at best. i passed the mark.

i wish i was happy like a hipster.


Josh said...

Wow. When you say it like that...

Mindy Jo said...

we should start a club ...
i feel the same way.
love you.

Matthew said...

Hipsters are formulaic, annoying and generally a self-parody. See: http://stuffhipstershate.tumblr.com/

Also, they are generally not happy people: http://unhappyhipsters.com/

Perhaps you might be thinking of yuppies? I would submit that, in reality, the genre you are comparing yourself to does not actually exist in the real world. Those are photoshopped/plastic marketing manequinns who are paid large amounts of money to look like that for short periods of time.

As far as you having a specialized skill, I suggest the following:

1) I really like your quirky sense of humor.
2) It isn't saving the world, but since I have that covered, I think I can mention your Harry Potter trivia score. This must not be undervalued =)
3) You have overcome challenges that would have killed a hipster.
4) On a serious note, I have know you for a long time, and you are one of the best things in my life. You have enriched my life greatly in ways I never would have expected.

Now, quit being such a bitch to yourself. Anyone treats you like that and I will decend upon them with the burning rage of a thousand suns. That includes you. Ponder the paradox later.

Also, as a side point, my verification captcha is 'curshat'. This is a sign that the universe agrees with me.

Chernobyl said...

I can't imagine a mom that, while struggling with a child(ren) with disabilities, gets up and looks in the mirror and says: Jr. is having heart surgery again...good thing I am rockin' my Juicy Couture today! *Wink* and a big smile. Seriously!

You're going through a very difficult season of your life! What are those other bubble gum moms with stellar cupcake decorating, or interior design skills going through? I don't know but they probably don't have any Emmaline's that keep them covered in vomit, feeding syringes, and medical tape.

But I get the mediocre thing. I was actually just thinking about that yesterday. I've never really been awesome at anything. But I am a classic underachiever so...

Terra said...

Well I was going to say something nice and cheering...But now I cna't think of anything better said than what Matt posted. Darn Him!
Anyway, I love you too, and you should know you really do make an exceptional sister :)

oh, and the other night I got dresses up where a friend I've been running with for TWO years didn't recognise me. I take it as a comment on how frumpy I normally look. At least you maintain a level of cuteness that allowes people to recognise you. :)

Megan said...

um, not quite sure what happened to the comments on this post. blogger fail.

Matthew said...

Did you get my earlier comment?

Megan said...

yeah i think i only missed the most recent one. blogger is having a freak out.