Sleep Deprived and Cool

Whenever the weather gets cool and I don't get much sleep it makes me reminisce. I think of Emmeline shortly after she was born. When she was doing her very best to scare us to death. I should have known that she was just messing with me. No matter what we did it always seemed like she was in total control. That she could "stop" at anytime and we could all go home. We did what we thought was our best, and what was best for her. I wonder if she will agree? Or if she will think that with a good nap we would have been thinking more clearly and done things differently?
Oddly I feel safer this time of year. More at peace. Less scared. Back then I had a whole hospital to help me. Plus I had no idea what was one the road ahead. I thought "if we can just make it thought this we can go home and start our normal life". A thought that is laughable now.
I miss the hospital, I miss the Ronald McDonald House, the nurses, the rooftop playground, the Condon's, the janitor I would chat with everyday, the toy room, and the pediatrician from back home who would call to check on the patient he hadn't met yet.
I have met some really amazing people through all this. Some were amazingly stupid but amazing none the less. I'm sure I'll meet more of both. But for now I will try and remember that feeling of safety. The time when everyone had my back. While I had Emmeline's.

1 comment:

Terra said...

I don't really have anything to add to that but I wanted to let you know I was reading your blog...and I love you.