The Morgue

I think I am reaching that point of a beating where you just lay there and hope they think you are dead and leave you alone. That if you don't fight they will think they won and finally stop. I feel like most of my last 7 years have been one beating after another. I must have screwed over someone really important without noticing and now karma has come for me. I look old and what's even more fun, my body is literally falling apart. I can't get away. From really anything. I try to "hide" from feeling sick all the time by keeping busy, which works until the fatigue kicks in and makes me stop. Then I'm tired and sick. I try to hide from whiny Emmeline but she found my closet. It's no wonder she is delayed. The only way to get away is to turn on Rugrats and let her little brain rot. Then I don't really get away because I feel guilty for neglecting her. I could be drilling her colors, or doing PT on the ball, or working on stringing beads for OT, or heck, talking to her so maybe she will talk back. Oh, wait, then there is Isabella. That's right I actually have two kids. Wish that didn't slip my mind so much.
These kind of posts are tricky. You want to be honest, but you don't want to freak people out. That's right folks, the above it edited for the public. Isn't my head fun. Anyway, i guess it's better then the other stuff in there. So...do I look dead yet?


Brittany H. said...

I felt like such a bad mom last year when we were moving and I had to set up so many things for Claire. And then everyone's kids were headed to preschool and the moms kept asking me if/where Dash was going and I realized that I had totally forgotten about him. And then I felt like I was failing if I didn't use every minute to work with Claire on something (but that only lasted a few nervous breakdowns). ;)

You are doing great, Megan. Not so much for yourself, but for your family. I hope that Someone is keeping track and has some awesome rewards for the countless bonus points you are earning! I so wish we lived near each other...

Matthew said...

First of all, you don't look old. Second, God made Mormons invent TV for just this sort of thing. No reason to feel bad about that. Besides, if Texas hasn't melted her brain by now, TV can have no effect whatsoever.

I think you should stir things up and take up a new hobby, something useful like skeet shooting =)

Megan said...

josh and i drove by a shooting range the other day. i think it would be fun! by the way i did not post this just to get another present out of you ;) you're all paid up on brotherly duty :)

Chernobyl said...

It does suck for you right now, for sure. I can totally relate to feeling like your body and mind are failing you. But you hide it well because I sure as hockeystix can't tell.

Not that I'm really that observant, or that I'd care either way if you're WEREN'T always looking way cuter than me. It's not like you'd take the compliment anyway, so I won't bother trying to persuade you otherwise.

Bottom line: An old Bishop of mine once got up on Sunday and addressed the women of the ward. He said "Sisters, STOP BEATING YOURSELVES UP OVER EVERYTHING!! Stop holding yourselves to unattainable standards! Stop hating yourselves for not being perfect!"...and so on. Put down your flogging apparatus. You're doing fine.