I Killed Bambi's Mom..Well, She Better Hope She's Dead!

Back before Christmas I was driving back from the store right at dark when a deer came out of nowhere and I couldn't safely avoid it.  I had just enough time to see it, slam on my breaks, realize I was going to hit it and then get really, really mad just before contact.  I mean, REALLY angry.  For a brief moment I thought "People die from hitting deer.  I can't believe you are trying to kill me right before Christmas! On the way back from getting Emmeline's gift no less! Like she needs that kind of guilt later!" To make it even more fun I was in a rental car.  Our van was having a total engine rebuild so I was driving a little Nissan Sentra.  Now, since I did walk away fairly unscathed I am pretty pleased with how it help up hitting a full grown deer. There was one pretty huge flaw.  When I made contact with the deer, my hood flew up and my entire field of vision except about 6 inches and the bottom center was blocked. When I hit the deer I heard a terrible sound.  I was afraid it was the deer stuck to the car somehow but luckily, or not so luckily, it was the engine. I managed to use the 6 inches of vision to pull over to the side of the road.
Anyhew, it was totally dark by then and I was on the side of a fairly busy highway.  I called josh and we agreed I should call the police to report it. While I waited I tried to take pictures but my phone and the dark plus headlights made it pretty much impossible to see the actual damage. So, you can imagine when I got a lovely packet of the damages from the rental company, I was pretty pleased.
Here it is in all it's glory.

I felt like I came out of it untouched.  Until I had to drive in the dark a few days later.  Not so much.  I haven't had to do that much deep breathing since I was in labor.  So not fun.  Now I want to become a hunter even more.  Down with the deer!!

Sanctuary

There is this road right when you come in the main gate of Sweet Briar.  It called Sanctuary Road.  When I first saw it I thought "Yep, that's going to be my main running road".  It was perfect.  Packed gravel, only a slight incline, surrounded by tall trees on both sides.  My first time running here I ran straight there and headed down the road.  The road held up to it's name...for .3 miles...then it dead ends, along with my sanctuary.  I rarely stop during a run, but I found the dead ends so jarring that I found myself standing in the middle of the road, angry at first, then searching for a possible trail out the other side.  No trail.  Nothing to do but turn around. I found the run back out to the main road much less enjoyable than the run in. I quickly went back to angry.  Who names a road to nowhere that?! Why wasn't there a sign so people don't' get their hopes up?!
I have found several trails and routes I like but each time I drive by that road I want to run down it.  I imagine where it could go, what might be on the other end, and the sound of the gravel under my feet. Even though I already know the answers, I find myself imagining the wonderful places it might go.

Fumbling in Reality

Over two months.  I think that is the longest I have ever gone without posting.  It's not that I haven't been doing anything.  I've been quite busy actually.  The thing that got in my way?  Reality.  The harsh reality of life.
As some of you know I have started working part timeish.  I say ish because since November it has bordered on full time.  That has probably fed into my lack of fun things to blog about as well.  More work equals less running time.  Something directly tied to my sanity and creativity.  No running= no fun.  Plus all the work means I'm doing the same things everyday.  The same very boring things everyday. Who wants to hear about that?  I don't even want to know about it!
December was a rough month and the roughness is following me into January.  I lost someone dear and the hole will forever remain. A hole that sometimes makes it difficult to breath.  That sometimes makes me feel like I've been punched in the stomach and left in a heap in the floor.  It makes every part of me ache.  I haven't written about it here in detail and probably wont.  There is no justice to give it.
Others I love are hurting and I feel helpless to help them.  I do what I can but can't help fee like I'm falling short.
I flip flop between numb and throbbing.  But life continues to go on. So I fumble around and try to keep up with it. Keep up with work, school, Josh's work, doctors and church. Some days are more successful than others but most days leave me feeling exhausted and overstimulated.  Hopefully my fumbling is helping something or someone somewhere.