I get busy. Busy with life and my expectations of what it should entail. But every once in a while I stop. I look at what we have done, how we have changed, and who we have become. Sometimes that means feeling like I failed. Most of the time however, I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at how well things have turned out. 9 years ago when what I call my "real" life challenges started I saw no relief or end in sight. It looked and felt like eternal misery. Like nothing would ever alleviate my suffering.
Don't get me wrong. My life is still difficult and exhausting. But I've done things. In the midst of feeling like I was sinking, things happened. For me and for my family. Some good, some awful and some amazing.
Moments where our choices paid off, moments where we were left confused and biter and moments where I thought "is this really my life?" (in a good way). My family has weathered more storms then even my anxiety ridden mind could imagine. Well, different storm then I imagined anyway. I will admit, I have not handled all, or even most, of those storms with dignity. Most of the time I end up being that person standing their screaming "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!" while everyone else is just dealing with it. In the end though, I got it done and sometimes pretty darn well I might add. Well, things worked out anyway. Despite not knowing what I was doing or how to even start some tasks I managed to get it to some semblance of done. I always thought my other life was on hold just waiting for me. Thankfully it wasn't. Things have turned out pretty darn well considering what we thought we were getting. Pretty well well indeed.