The Down and Dirty

It's kind of my thing.  I say what everyone else is thinking, and then some.  Most of the time it's the funny things. Not so much of late.
I'm just going to lay it out there for anyone else who might be in the same spot. Solidarity and all that. Lately I haven't found anything funny.  If I'm not in a fog then I'm sad or raging pretty hard.  I have been having recurring dreams where I lose it.  Like, screaming, black out, might have a stroke in my dreams losing of the it. After the first one I hoped I'd feel better once I burned off all that steam.  But, like not eating carbs, I was left unfulfilled and still cranky. And so the rage dreams continue. Please refrain from telling me to do yoga, or meditate or some crap. Did it, done it, tired it.  As Bowler Hate Guy says:  "Everyone will tell you to let it go and move on, but don't! Instead, let it fester and boil inside of you! Take these feelings and lock them away. Let them fuel your actions. Let hate be your ally, and you will be capable of wonderful, horrid things. Heed my words, Goob: don't let it go". Sounds like solid advice to me.

I wouldn't say I believe in Karma per se.  Mostly because I think I'm a pretty good person. But I have TERRIBLE luck.  Josh tried to brush it off when I would talk about it but I'm pretty sure that even he is a believer now.  Shit happens to me.  Some big, some little.  But if someone is going to trip, drop something, hit something lose something or not get picked when being picked it good or get picked when getting picked is bad etc, that someone is me. It wears on you.  Most of it's little stuff but when all that stuff builds you're left feeling like "What the hell!? I totally braked for that bunny earlier today! Where's the love?" It's like Chinese water torture of bad luck.  Sure it's just a drop of water but when that 1000th drop hits your head, you could kill someone with your bare hands.
It makes for one cranky Megan. One that rage dreams, and says the F-word more than the average working mother. But life must go on, so you lock it up tight and go about your business.  Until the next drop of water hits your head and then you develop an eye twitch.

No Joke, as I wrote this the display died on my computer.  Computer Services was at a loss as to why.  Um, because it's mine...because it's mine.

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