Um...No Thank You?

So we went to the surgeon appointment.  Emmeline caught on pretty fast to what we were talking about and did her very best to distract us with her hyperactive freak out but we were not deterred.  She did keep a VERY close eye on the surgeon when he was giving her the once over.
It was a pretty overwhelming visit.  I am used to things taking a good long while to get done in the medical world.  I mean, we once has to wait 4 days before they would even try to figure out why Emmeline couldn't breath.  4 days!  If I remember correctly breathing is kind of essential for living but hey, I'm not the "expert".  Anyway, you can imagine my surprise when the Doctor came in and asked if I wanted him to take out the g-tube right then.
I froze.  That thought hadn't even crossed my mind and most of you know, I try and prepare for any eventuality.  My anxiety failed me that day.  I had no idea what to do.  So, I did what any pressured feeling anxious introvert would do.  I chickened out.  I blamed Josh, I blamed Emmeline, I even put a little blame on Isa.  I, in all my bravery, could not say "I am not ready".  I totally and completely choked.
Not permanently mind you.  I still hate the thing.  I just couldn't pull the trigger.
 I didn't want to traumatize me or Emmeline by just holding her down and popping it out.  I've had to do some really unpleasant things to that little girl over the last 4 years and I just couldn't put that on my list.  At least not yet.  I have to give it my best shot to prepare her (and me) for this.
If that means bribing her with toys and treats then so be it.

The only problem with my brilliant present idea?  She asked for "a real animal"...

No comments: