The Calming

When I was little I was TERRIFIED of thunder and lightning.  I was sure it was nature trying to kill me.  Whenever there was thunder or lightening I would ball up in a small space and plug my ears until it was over.  Sometimes I would lay there for hours completely immobilized.  If I was in the car it was even worse.  I felt like we were driving but getting nowhere.  That the storm was just watching us laughing and waiting to strike.  Yes, I personify things that can't really think, and convince myself they are coming to get me.  It explains a lot huh?
This behavior really annoyed my mom.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe I refused to go somewhere because it was raining or something.  Either way she decided I needed to be cured of this fear.  To do this she would make me sleep on the living room couch while listening to a record of a thunder storm.  It didn't help.  I should say it didn't help at the time.  I do remember laying there thinking "I know this isn't a real storm" but I was still paralyzed in fear.
One time my dad and I were in the car on a several hour long trip when we hit a BIG storm.  The kind where the sky turns black.  In order to keep me calm and my eyes open my dad coaxed me into playing the alphabet game with him.  If I reached the letter Z without hiding my face or plugging my ears then I would earn a fish sandwich from Hardees (a huge treat for us as kids).  Anyone who knows me knows I'm a huge Daddy's girl.  My guilt and drive to make him happy worked in his favor that day.  I pushed through and made it all the way to the end.  Although sometimes my knuckles were white as a held onto the door.
I don't remember this being a break through though.  But then again I'm not really sure what the break through was.  All I know is, now when it rains, I have a huge urge to be out in it.  To feel the cool rain on me head, shoulders and face.  I love the calm that comes over me as the thunder rumbles.  It's like I can feel all my muscles relaxing and I can breath all the way in.  It's calms me almost immediately and I love it.

1 comment:

Chesney said...

Yeah! I love thunderstorms. THey are calming to me. But I am weird like that!