parenthood sucks!!!!!

i have been in isabella's room for 1.5 hours trying to get her to stop sobbing. i finally had to just kiss her tell her i love her and walk out. she is giving up her passies. i knew even if she told me she wanted to when it came time to go to bed she would change her mind but it really sucks. her sobs are gut wrenching. she keeps trying to bargain to get them back. she want to "look at them" or "just hold them" now she has gone back to full blown "i changed my mind please let me have my passies back".

hold on i think she need help.

ok I'm back. after some deep breathing (by me) and some pats on the back to the beat of her nighttime music she is finally asleep. for now.

what i am going to say next i mean with every fiber of my being. i DO NOT want any pep talks about parenthood , stories about what it was like when your kids were little or "advice" on my life!!!

now to get on with it. why in the world do i want more kids? it's painful being a parent. i mean yeah isabella is amazingly great. the thing is i don't know that i have the life in me for another one. she isn't even into the hard stuff in life yet and my heart feels like it is slowly being ripped in two. what am i going to do when her friend doesn't invite her to their party or when she get picked on or when she gets dumped? i would be so preoccupied that i wouldn't even notice another kid. but i guess that doesn't really matter since apparently i have no control over that anyway.

more later.


well, it is done. she has gotten rid of her passies. after she fell asleep i installed her present from the passy mermaid fairy. when i woke up in the morning it was to this.

isa: (keep in mind this is the first thing she said to me when she came in my room to wake me up) "did you hang up that tent?"

me: "what tent?"

isa:" you really don't know about the tent?"

me: "no. i wonder where is came from?"

isa: (with a huge smile on her face) " i think the passy mermaid fairy left it for me so i could have a fairy house too."

it was absolutely adorable. what she got was a canopy that attaches to the ceiling made of white netting with pink ribbon hanging down from it. she really loves to sleep in it. i am super proud of her she did a great job. i had to wait to post this because isabella didn't want josh to know about it until he got home so she could surprise him.