I Think I Might Have Died And Not Noticed

That pretty much describes how i feel now days. My original intention was to post some pictures but that faded fast when i couldn't find the external hard drive. any extra effort is really hard to muster. I am pretty sure this is the longest i have gone without going to the doctor since we got released from the hospital at the beginning of November. just so you know it has been 5 days. we have had lots of follow up visits and some new stuff.

We had the pleasure of having a stomach bug go through our family over the holiday and even poor little Em got it. it has been a struggle getting the volume she eats back to where it should be. i was pretty upset since i managed to make it all the way though my pregnancy without throwing up.

Not much new stuff is happening for us. my life pretty much consists of doctor appointments, cleaning medical equipment and doing laundry. i never can get away from the laundry. I have had to witness and actually do things i had never imagined. People try and "comfort" me. it doesn't help. it's not that i think they aren't trying to help in there own "special" way. it is just that i just don't care what they think. maybe if they really KNEW me or if they had a special needs kid too it wouldn't fill me with rage. rage and exhaustion are pretty much the only things i feel. there is the occasional bright light like tonight when Em looked at Josh and did her real first smile. Now i just wish she would do that at me.