my own rapunzel

Isabella is the worst hair person ever! if she even sees a hair brush come near her she bursts into tears and makes the most annoying noises. she told me a few months ago that she was going to grow her hair down to her butt (thanks quentin). i cringed and hoped it was just a phase. well, after having lice 5 times this year in her class she had had enough of getting her hair brushed. plus i got her Tangled for Spring Day. she came to me last weekend and said she wanted me to give her the haircut Rapunzel has after her hair gets cut near the end of the movie. i can do some hair cuts, but not that. my skills are limited to straight cuts and a little blending. i gave my fiend holly a call and got isabella an appointment. i was a little sad since this would be isa's first hair cut by someone other then me. :( i figured it was better to do that then have me butcher the poor girls hair. she couldn't wait until her appointment to have the length off though so i went ahead and did that. i had to get new hair scissors because isabella's hair is SUPER think and i didn't trust my old scissors.

so here she is pre hair cut. pretty cute if i say so myself.



here is what she wanted



here is what she got. she really loves it and i must say i do too. we left off the shorter layers by rapunzel's face because i knew they would not stay out of isa's face at all. she didn't notice they weren't there. once again it's a cell phone pic. sorry. it really is very close to the real thing. i even got her a cute girly hair straightener to style it.

A Champion :)

so emmeline takes therapeutic riding lessons at Spirit Horse. It is a non-profit riding center that provides FREE riding lessons for disabled kids. Emmeline loves it!!! she has done really well there and is best friends with her horse Eeyore. our biggest challenge so far is her sensory issue. she really doesn't want to touch Eeyore with both of her hands at one time. this is a problem because we want her to do something called two point. she needs to be able to do this to trot which is really good for muscle strengthening. anyway, we have been working on this for quite a while and normally when we do, she shuts down and wants off the horse. well, today SHE DID IT!!!!! several times!! we are very excited! as we were leaving we saw the owner and he made sure she got this cute ribbon!! she has been wearing it every where and chatting with everyone about it!!


admiring her ribbon.




So happy!

205 and 33

so this is the 205 lifetime post for this blog and the 33 this year. 33 is an all time high for me! i am really trying harder to be good about updating my blog. usually what happens about now is that i start to think that no one really wants to hear about my life. usually because it is to boring but now days i think it has more to do with the downer level. i will do my best to do the occasional fun/light post. Even better i will try to mean it.

i have been wondering what i was going to do for this post for several weeks. it seems like it should be something important. i got nothing. well, nothing new important.

i felt like i was going crazy waiting for emmeline's testing to be done earlier this week. really, really crazy. i think i can say it was probably a new low for me. really, really low. another mother of a child with special needs was trying to console me through the whole thing and said something i was totally feeling. mom's who have medically complicated children usually suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. that is totally what i feel like. so even though things are going well and she passed her test i am still "damaged" from it. i will carry that damage forever. even when it heals there will still be that scar. hopefully it will be enough of reminder next time that i made it through this time to give me a boost. i joke with my friends that say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". my response is "yeah or it cripples you forever!"

anyway, i was trying to distract myself. so...i started a sewing project. better yet, i actually finished it!
i got the pattern here. i happened to stumble onto is blog with the random blog button in yet another effort to stay busy.

I just want to say i am totally disgusted with the picture quality here. i hate dealing with the camera and mac non-compatibility so i had to take pictures with my cell and email them to myself. lame.




here is some detail of the face. you can't see very well but each of the pieces were sewn together then to the next biggest piece and so on. and then all the way around the edges. it took a long time.


my finger is super sore and my back was killing me from sitting in a hard chair for so long but i love the results! they are a little big on them still but i would rather to big then to small. the reason my finger still hurts is that i i sewed EVERYTHING by hand. the pattern did not call for that but i was having trouble with the stitch tension on my sewing machine and i didn't want to have to keep puling out stitches. i think i damaged the nerves in the tip of my finger.

i quickly discovered that my mind could still do other things while i sewed stitch after stitch. so...i listened to conference talks. FINALLY. i find even if i turn on conference i don't really get much out of it with the girls around. this was way easier. plus i didn't have to listen to (let's be honest) the boring stuff. anyway, i thought there were quite a few great talks. plus i can enjoy anything by President Eyring :)

i also cleaned. ALOT. i don't think my house has ever been so clean. i was even folding the laundry before it was knee deep in my room. pretty much anything to keep my busy. busy is good. i pretty much enjoy any type of cleaning. except the dishes. that was always the worst job growing up and i still feel that way. no one wants to do the dishes.

i guess this isn't the most exciting 205 and 33 post. my life isn't very glamorous right now. well, not in the way anyone would want to see. i think i built it up to much in my head. i probably do that too much anyway. oh well, a new week with new tests is on it's way.

i think i need to start another sewing project.

14 Good Years

i was rushed when i went couponing yesterday morning. Em had therapy at 9am and i knew if i waited until after therapy i would only be able to fit in walgreens or target instead of both. well, walgreens was out of several of the items i wanted to i was going to get some rainchecks. due to some unforeseen overage i ended up taking longer then expected and in my haste i forgot my rainchecks. no big deal i thought. i will just run by after i get isa from school and pick them up and that is exactly what i did.
as i was standing at the counter chatting with one of my favorite cashiers a patron came over and said
"i'm sorry to interrupt but a white car outside slipped out of gear and rolled into another car. the Nissan is white. the cashier's car is white. we both ran outside to see who it was. i was the winner. or rather the loser. my car was across the parking lot half on a bush and half on...the manager's car.
this may sound bad but i automatically felt better. at least it was someone i knew and that knew me. yes i know pretty much every employee at walgreens. some i like better then others. this one is nice. i am just glad i have always behaved when having to deal with managers and that i brought them those cookies at christmas. my immediate fear in an accident is that the person will try and screw me over.
i just have to say that i really like the employees at the walgreen on Loop 288 in Denton. as i was going back and forth outside and inside they swooped in and took care of the girls for me. at one point i came in and found emmeline cuddled up on the cashiers shoulder while she rang a customer up. SUPER nice. another perk is we have the same insurance companies. that "should" make things go a little smoother.
i just hate dealing with accidents. so much red tape and phone calls, repeating what happened to around 10 different people. i think they are just trying to trip you up. that is where i am hoping the same insurance will come in handy. either way they have to pay.
the big perk is that there were no people in car. i am go grateful and no one was hurt in our cars or while having to avoid my rolling car.
my last accident was 14 years ago. i fell asleep on the way to work after school and rear ended someone. luckily no one was really hurt then either. which was amazing because my car didn't have an airbag and the other car's seat belts failed. hopefully this isn't increasing my chances statistically that i will be in an accident where someone actually does get hurt.

I Will Make It Through This Life, I Will Make It Through This Life...

Let me start by saying that if anyone says "this too shall pass" I will turn you into a bug, and put you in a box, then i'll put that box in another box, then i'll mail that box to myself and SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!!!! OK let's get on with it.

em wont swallow anything. When i say anything i mean not even her spit. Over that last two weeks i have watched my little villain deteriorate before my very eyes. At first i thought she was just being stubborn. she is after all very good at that. but as she got worse day by day the fear set in. something is wrong. better yet, something is wrong and no body knows what. as a parent this is unacceptable to me. i have only been in this situation once before. I personally believe someone shouldn't have to go through this more then once in a life time. i felt like it aged me like ten years. so, after this one i guess i will look closer to 50.

So, since they have no idea what it is, we have a whole set of tests to do. Swallow study next tuesday (this one scares me the most), then an MRI, then our #10 specialist Nephrology. After that i figure they will ask for a scope of her throat. Not sure why they aren't doing that now. I seriously should get a medical degree for all this. we also did a blood draw yesterday for food allergies. The reason we have a #10 is because she still has Acidosis. Once again, no one knows why.

i am really not good at waiting. i mean really, really not good. let's hope for Em's sake that my lack wont keep her sick. i am a girl that needs a plan. i am good at following plans. we're friends.

on an upside, which also has the doctors scratching their heads, Em is talking a TON. real words and everything!

my patriotic cutie

so way back before spring break isa was asked to say the pledge of allegiance at the denton isd school board meeting. she was very excited about it. 10 students out of her whole school were chosen so she felt pretty special. she was very particular about her out fit. aunt terra sent her a little yellow jacket that she wears every chance she gets. in fact she is wearing it today. i have to hide it or she tries to put it on everyday.

luckily emmeline was pretty well behaved for us. we only had to stay until right after the pledge and then we all ducked out. good thing. i heard that meeting was around 5 hours.

em got a little excited and was all over josh.




so cute. i love the red shoes!


she was really sweet and wanted em in the picture with her.

The Newest Adventure

Ketoadicosis. That is what my 2 year old had. add VERY dehydrated and we had a BIG problem. one urine cath and 2 blood draws later she seems to be stable. we are waiting to hear back from her cardiologist to move further. The GREAT news is she isn't diabetic! there wasn't a huge chance of her having it but i have learned she likes to play the odds. thankfully she has started eating a bit again. she had gone 4 days with no food!!! needless to say i was a wreck.

the part about this whole ordeal that stresses me the most is the fact that she has lost a pound. which means we are 1.5 pounds behind our goal for her to gain enough wait to repair her ASD by catheter this fall. so... the surgery is pretty much out of the question. unless her surgeon decides that if we are close then they can do it. i'm not holding me breath. well, not for that.

even though this week has been rough at least it was rough at home and not the hospital. thank goodness for the g-tube. it worked great as an at home IV.

i have been reading random people's blogs lately and i found one written by a mom who has a child with alot of medical issues. something she said made me chuckle in agreement.

"My child will probably live to be 150 and i'll probably die young from an [emmeline] induced heart attack." so true.

A Few Things I've Done When I Wasn't Crying

So I think it's pretty obvious from several of my previous posts that I cry more then the average adult woman. But I am occasionally do things other then cry. surprising i know but after a while i get pretty dehydrated so...here are a few things i did during my cry breaks.

I built another book shelf!



some time about a year ago i built the first one. The plans had enough wood for two but i was totally exhausted after the first one and i'm sure my neighbors were tired of hearing me hammer, so i opted to save the wood for another time. i decided spring break was "another time". It started off just as bad if not worse then the first. this time i had emmeline all over me so that made it a bit harder. i gave up after the wood kept splitting. after called josh to complain about it i decided that i had not stored that wood in my dining room for a year only to throw it out and i was going to build a bookshelf out of it no matter what. once again i learned how amazing wood filler and sand paper are. i think i actually like it better then the first but that might have something to do with the lack of aquatic color choices.



Then i decided to revamp my coupon storage system. any couponer knows what an undertaking that can be.

here is how i used to carry my coupons around. this bag could weigh anywhere between 20-45 pounds. plus my purse and a wiggly Emmeline. it was tough getting up the 3 flights to the apartment.


here are the insides of the bag



next i had to clip all the coupons i would need. this is somewhat of a judgement call as i didn't want to cut out everything. in the end it was still alot but i'll figure out exactly what i need over the next few weeks.



then i has to organize them by my categories.





then loaded them in my binder.


i LOVE the finished product. i can find whatever i need super fast now.
josh helped me come up with the name. pretty cool.



my scissor/calculator pocket




my store coupon policy pocket.


It is so nice to finally be done with this. it took a lot longer then i thought it would. it is super nice to be out and find something on clearance and be able to flip in my book to see if i have a coupon. saves to much time and makes full use of my coupons.

so there. no need to call DSS quite yet. i occasionally do productive things.

A Little Spring Break

We didn't do quite as much this spring break as last year but we tried to do at least a few fun family things. I already mentioned a few posts ago that we went to the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History. We got a membership to the Dallas Nature and Science Museum last year for spring break so this year we opted to try Fort Worth. This is it's second year open. It ended up being smaller then Dallas but has some really neat stuff for Isa's age. The one thing i found kind of annoying/weird is that there are separate lines for each exhibit area that you have to wait in. luckily the lines moved pretty fast.

they had the huge lite brite like Discovery Place. Isa was really into matching up all the colors.


Em even got the hang of the pegs. she didn't appreciate being interrupted though.


They had an exhibit on loan from Boston about China. Emmeline really enjoyed learning to write Chinese.


i was pretty disappointed when we found the water area. we asked about this specifically when we got our membership. em can barely reach over the side.


Isabella is like a little monkey whenever she gets the chance.


we were trying to explain to her that little sisters want to do everything their big sisters do so she should probably stop being so adventurous in front of em.


Isa though it was pretty cool how loud they were.


This is the entrance to the children's area. in my opinion it was the coolest part.


The BIG news of the day was...EMMELINE PLAYED IN THE SANDBOX!!!!!
this was a huge deal to me. she has some sensory issues, especially with her right hand. we have been trying to get her to play in sand forever and she really, really didn't like it. for some reason today was the day.




helping isa dig up dinosaur bones


not really sure what she is doing other then her never ending goal to get as dirty as possible whenever we are out.


funny face


more digging


other then the fact that emmeline completely refused to eat her lunch later, surprise surprise it was a pretty good day. we even got to go to mellow mushroom in fort worth while we were there.

Gone

i spend most of my time either cleaning or thinking about cleaning. i think most moms of young children do. we are either working our tails off trying to keep up or taking a break realizing how long it will take to catch up after we are done eating our well earned cookies.
well, i was actually trying the "keeping up with things" today. being cleaning day and all.
as i got to the living room i found the stethoscope.
i felt like i had been hit by a ton of bricks. i sat. there in the middle of the living room i felt more then my 30 years. 30 is a pivotal year for me. my own life crisis. in my mind this is the year to either do things or give them up forever. i know that isn't exactly logical but it doesn't change what my internal clock is feeling.
in reality i probably gave up my dream of being a doctor many, many years ago. but the reality of that situation brought me to my butt today. my lungs felt tight and the tears came, as they often do lately.
it's just gone. it's not that it slipped through my fingers. it's that i put it in the back like so many other things. it just seems to have grown mold and become unsalvageable. i know some people have gone to medical school at an older age but lets be real. I can't. for so many reasons. i can't because it would cost my family to much. not just money but everything. it's just gone.
so, i made a choice. i decided to leave it. i couldn't put it away. it was to symbolic. so there it lays in the middle of my living room floor. until one of the girls carries it away. like they so often do.

Long Ago in a Kingdom Far Far Away...

There lived a slightly butch brunette princess with a sparkle in her eye and a spring in her step. she got to do lots of things she loved. running, sleeping, scrapbooking, sewing, going to the park, playing in the yard, reading, going to school, and cooking.
then one day a new queen came to her kingdom. She was an evil queen. the princess tired to make her happy but nothing would please the queen. nothing except the princess's tears. she would smile in pleasure as the tears streamed down the poor princess's face. soon, she banished the princess to the kitchen. the princess would make all kinds of treats for the queen in an effort to please her, but nothing was good enough. enraged by the awful food the queen would eat it just to throw it up so she could smile as the princess washed the floors with her tears.
This went on for years. the queen came up with new ways to torment the poor princess who wanted nothing but the queen's approval. eventually the princess had a new list of things she did, though she did not love them. they were more of a list of things she DID NOT do before. before the queen.
she did not beg for someone to eat
she did not forget the last time she showered
she did not run out of food because she forgot to buy any
she did not cry in the shower
she did not cry in public
she did not cry in her closet while eating the candy she hid there
she did not have candy hidden in her closet
she did not own a throw up cleaning machine (carpet cleaner)
she did not stay inside for days or weeks at a time
The queen delighted in adding to her "did not" list. each item brought more sadness to the princess while the queen felt greater satisfaction in her success. as time wore on the princess's sparkle began to fade. her spring became a limp. yet the torment continued. nothing would satisfy the queen. she needed more tears.
readers love happy stories. well, this is the wrong fairytale for you. the queen wins. always . you might think you see the light at the end of the tunnel. it's just her. coming to laugh at your tears.

More Later

so...we went to the fort worth children's museum today. It was pretty fun. We got some cute pictures that i will be trying to post tomorrow. I just had to post this annoying tidbit though. Right after we got there and bought out tickets and Isa got into an activity, the fire alarm went off. At first i thought it was a sound effect for one of the exhibits. it was that quiet. anyway that isn't the annoying part. after they started evacuating everyone i got Isa and calmly (seriously) told her there would be alot of people trying to get out so to stay very close to me and we followed josh and em to the door.
at this point the women behind me apparently thought she was either going to die or thought she was the only one trying to leave the building. she ran into the back of my leg. i let it go, there were alot of people. she immediately did it again. i turned around, not only did she not apologize, she ran into me again while i was looking at her. i figured evacuating for a fire wasn't the time to start something. i moved to the other side of the hallway as quickly as i could. i kept my eyes on her to make sure i stayed away from her. i thought maybe she didn't know she was running into me since i hadn't said anything to her. while watching i noticed her hit 4 more people. pretty much EVERYONE she was behind. several people turned and said something to her. she would give them a blank slightly annoyed look and as they would move away she would hit the next person in front of her!
the thing is she wasn't really in a hurry. it's not like she was freaking out about trying to get out. as far as i could tell, she was just rude, self centered and inconsiderate. for some reason she really got under my skin. i even heard several more people outside talking about the "lady" who hit them with her stroller and it just got my angrier and angrier. It is people like this i just want to beat repeatedly while yelling "there are other people in the world! you are not THAT important!"

You're Doing It Wrong

Yes that too, but that is another post. Hehe.

Anyway, kids shows now suck. What are Tv executives thinking. Are their choices for writers and creators that bad? i feel like i am getting dumber and dumber the more kids shows i watch. no wonder more kids have speech delays now then when we were kids. These shows are killing their brain cells. there are a few exceptions. most of the shows on pbs are passable. i love some Word Girl and Martha Speaks, not to mention The Electric Company. Disney has a few that are OK. The Mickey Mouse clubhouse keeps my super villain happy so it keeps me happy.
If I could slowly torture pretty much everyone at Nick Jr i would do it. they deserve it. Here are my issues with Nick Jr shows.

1) THEY YELL EVERYTHING!!!! annoying huh?
i think they all probably failed their infant hearing screening but rather then get a hearing aid they just decided to make everyone else yell.

2) their characters have HUGE heads.
i mean come on, the world isn't run by bobble heads.

3) There is a complete lack of parental involvement
Where are the parents!!??
every baby animal the wonder pets save ends up running home to their parents who always say "oh, i was so worried about you" really?! then were the heck were you while these 3 school house pets saved your kid!? let alone supervising them so they didn't do something like say play on a dangerous roof?
in Kai-lan (HUGE head!) her grandfather makes token appearances but never corrects that stupid tiger rintoo when he is being to rough or just plain mean. Those animals are throwing temper tantrums left and right. get it together gramps. i think you are a little to old to be left alone with the "kids" anymore.
hey, if my kid yelled all the time i would probably wander off and let someone else bail them out too.

4) Everything works out the second time around.
if at first you don't succeed try, try again. if you fail again, just quit, you're no good at it. every time there is something a character can't do, if they just do it a second time it works. what exactly are we teaching kids here? no wonder isa wants to quite things left and right. i guess when she can do it perfect the second time we will know we found the money maker.

5) (this is more of a side note) They are culturally insensitive.
there is a wonder pets episode that really gets under my skin. they save the fiddler crab on the roof. that's right. an implied JEWISH crab. he even had an accent! (please no Jewish jokes). i am incredibly sensitive about Judaism. i know, i know, i'm not Jewish. it just bothers me. why would you have a non-kosher animal portray a Jew? seriously.

cartoons from when i was a kid might not have been "educational" but at least they weren't teaching me bad life skills.

i didn't think i could really bounce out of trouble like the gummi bears or make someone be nice to me with a care bear stare (another post entirely). I knew that i couldn't access a magical door and play with the fluppys. i did however manage to learn my numbers, colors, letters, reading, writing, etc without those being part of my TV line up. granted i did yell a lot but who wouldn't when you are the youngest of 5 kids?

so, come on tv people, do your kids watch this stuff? if so, spend more time with them and you'll see how annoying it is and how annoying they will become without a little parental interference.

Super Cute's Nemisis

When Isabella was little we called her super cute. Well, on her first birthday my super cool sister Katie Drew a picture of Isabella dressed as a super hero, cape and all. She aptly named her Super Cute, the super hero who dazzles the world with her cuteness. She also made her a little super hero outfit with a cape and everything. very cool.

In the movie Megamind there is a cool quote. "Where ever there is evil, good will rise up against it". I think this also holds true for good and evil. This means that since Isa is my super hero, Emmeline is, you guesses it, my super villain. She is very good at torture, ignoring the minion/minions, incredible endurance and waiting until you show happiness and the squishing it. Isa will come swooping in when em is being exceptionally mean and try to help the situation, in true super hero fashion.

I mentioned to Katie that maybe we should do a picture for Em as a super villain. The problem we are facing is that we need a cool super villain name. it seems like it should have something to do with puke but it's hard to come up with a scary/cool name with puke in it so...
Ideas?

Zero

When I was in college I took and educational psychology class during my very brief stint as an education major. In this class we took a creativity test. I got a zero. That's right I have absolutely zero creativity. When I tell people about it they usually say the same thing. "Of course you have some creativity, everyone does!".
Today Josh and I watched a TED speaker who talked about how modern education is killing creativity. He said he judges creativity on the usefulness of an original idea. I am pretty sure in those parameters I am a zero. I have a super hard time coming up with original ideas. Well, as long as I am given no examples I might be able to come up with something passable, maybe.
I love pottery. Well, as long as I can keep my hands wet. It always amazed me all the tings you can do with clay. It can be made to look like pretty much anything. Even though it is something I feel inspires me I still can't come up with original stuff. I guess in a sense what I make is original because even though I love it, I am still terrible at copying so it doesn't really end up looking very much like what i am trying to replicate. not for lack of trying though.
i wish i had creativity. when I try to be creative I usually enjoy it. It relaxes me. That is until I sit back and look at what I have been working so hard on. Then I get kind of depressed at what looks like a pre-K art project. It would be nice if my enjoyment were better reflected in my finished piece.
Either way, I don't really think any of my attempts could be called useful.

Cuddle Time

We had almost a week off of school a few weeks ago because we got hit with quite the ice then snow storm. in Texas. i guess this stuff follows us. either way it was great. we had elephant ears, watched movies, and most importantly cuddled. Isabella and Emmeline were very cute. Isa LOVES being a big sister and Emmeline loves letting her.


Isabella made a little bed for her in this laundry basket.


she stayed in it for a LONG time. she was a little annoyed that i made Isa move so i could get a picture of just her.


this was the souvenir Emmeline picked at disneyworld. josh held up several to choose from and she jumped out of the stroller to try and get it. she wouldn't let him go. now she sleeps with him every night.


a closer look at the cuteness.

What Happens When Em Abuses Me and Isa Asks Sweetly

So Emmeline has been beyond terrible two's lately. She cries and screams for me and then when I come to her she hits and kicks me. I find the VERY overstimulating. It's like auditory torture for the first part and then physical for the next. All my senses hit overload. She wont have josh or Isa unless I'm not here and she has checked every room of the house for me. I went to the store the day before yesterday and she screamed herself hoarse. I had to get out of there. I'm sure the other patrons at the store thought I was in am abusive relationship with the way I looked and moped through the store. well, I guess I am. Ii just can't tell people about it without sounding like a wuss. "Yeah, my 2 year old is abusive". "No, really".

Let's just add that I have perfected "angry eating". I am normally very strict about what I eat. especially now that I can't workout. not anymore. After a day of "not good enough" by her majesty I look forward to having some Reese's whatever is in my bowl, and cabinet and closet. I have more candy then regular food storage. I imagine yelling at her that there is nothing wrong with my "food" and if she wont eat it then I will! Totally mentally stable right? Yeah...I know.

Anyway, Isa wanted a pumpkin pie. She hugged me and smiled so sweetly, so...she got one. I'd make her ten if she wanted them. Just to thank her. For being her. And to "angry eat" later of course.








I should have also taken this one in the dining room. Those had a much better pumpkin color. Either way, "angry eating" here I come.

The Pinch

So, I learned alot from my friend Jessika. One of the most important was to take my health very seriously. Today I did something I haven't done in 2.5 years. I know, too long. Anyway. I got my cervix pinched. Of course that isn't what it's really called but that is totally what they do. I mean if they called it a cervix pinching text who would get one? Not this girl. I think a dude named it. Not that PAP smear is much better. But at least it doesn't sound painful. Which it is. For hours. On the up side I have a doctor now. For Me. I wont get the results for a few weeks but I already feel better. Even though it took two hours at the office it was nice to be doing something for me, alone. Plus it gave me a jump start on the book for book club next month. (my pick).

Lacking?

After we got he news about Em's ASD i started telling people she would need surgery. i let doctors, friends and family know. after telling people all day josh made a comment that i have often wondered about. it was along the lines that he would rather not plan of her having surgery but hope that the hole might still close. i took that as faith that the hole would close. maybe that wasn't what he meant but it got me thinking.

does planning for the thing that looks like it is going to happen as opposed to what you want to have happen mean you have a lack of faith?

i have wicked bad anxiety, especially about decision making. so it is really hard for me to differentiate between anxiety and inspiration. usually i just try and cover my bases if it has to do with health and safety and just do it either way.
what if i just went with the hole closing on it's own and then we need surgery and i am totally unprepared? i realize it probably shouldn't be one way or the other but when it comes to decisions that's how i roll. i always think of the line from Say Anything where the girl says she always assumes the worst will happen so when it doesn't she is pleasantly surprised. that's me to a tea.

so do i wish the hole would close alone? yes, very much. would i go with that and not get ready for it? nope. so maybe i am lacking faith. faith that the hole will be gone next time we check. however, i do have faith that i am doing EVERYTHING i can do keep this kiddo alive and i'll take all the help i can get.

don't get me wrong. i'm not arguing semantics or anything. just pondering.

My New Catch Phrase

Most people know I really, really hate stupid people. Now, that doesn't mean I don't like people who didn't get an education. Although I only like them in moderation. The people I am talking about are the people who think rules don't apply to them, don't use common sense and don't think before they speak, among other things. I just have to patience for those who know better.

Those that read my blog know Emmeline's medical situation is complicated at best. Her cardiologist said absolutely no nursery at church until after her surgery. Well, that pretty much means never. By the time we get the ASD repaired she will go into older classes anyway. That being said, the decision about nursery is totally up to me and Josh. There are a few other people I would let know our decision and maybe at listen to theirs.
Anyway, I was approached by someone who doesn't fall on either group. Emmeline was eating a snack as he waled up. This is how it went down. (what I wish I said is in parenthesis).

him: Those look like yummy snacks.
me: Yep she really likes them.
him: You know where else they have really yummy snacks...nursery.
me: (UM WHAT!!???) Yeah I bet they do.
him: So, [at Emmeline] are you ready to go to nursery?
me: Smiling (I want to kick you and then slam your head into the wall)
him: Or should I be asking if mommy is ready to let you go into nursery?
me: (screw it you are a dead man). Smaller smile.
him:[turning to me with a judgmental smile] So are you?
me: [trying to keep my tone level]. I never had a problem "letting" her go to nursery, she loves it. But her cardiologist said she can't go until her heart is repaired so she doesn't die. [this was followed by the "Say something now B*^&%" stare].
him: Fumbling about how he had something to do. (a little to late).

Sadly I was so taken aback by this encounter so i couldn't properly make him feel as dumb as he sounded and deserved. I'm sure I'll get another chance though.

When it comes to picking up Isabella from school I either leave so I get there 30 minutes before school gets out to be first in line or when school has been out for 10 minutes so the line is already moving. This way I can't see the line cutters, and there always are some. Well, Em has been sleeping later so I ended up doing the latter. I thought I was safe. I guess my hopes were too high. There is a lot of stopping and going as they feed cars into the line to get you kid loaded into your car. Some people, (including me) don't like it so we wait until there is a little space and then pull up. That way there isn't all that silly brake tapping. Well, the guy behind me didn't like that and when the gap went past him, he cut across the other lane of traffic, onto the playground and u-turned and passed 25 cars!! Um hello! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!!! I hate you! And all the little children do too!
What kills me is they felt totally justified in doing that. Where are you from?! I think I am just going to start checking Isabella out of school everyday through the front office since these parents have no self control.

I am generally able to bottle up my rage like every healthy person should but when it comes to people like this I have come up with my new favorite catch phrase. I find it is applicable in so many situations and would help society quite a bit.

They should be put down.