My Stomach

Is couponing worth it? well, my bank account says yes. my stomach on the other hand...
i find that couponing is well worth my time to cut and organize coupons. i save a lot of money. and i don't always have to use the cheapest thing i can find. i actually get to use the new name brand stuff. well, i have the name brand new stuff. i have a hard time actually using any of it. not to say i go out and buy the cheap stuff so i don't have to use my new stuff. i just haven't run out of my storage of cheap stuff.

i have terrible anxiety. really, really terrible. usually when i am anxious if i just dive right in and immerse myself in the anxiety producing activity eventually the anxiety wears off and i am not as uncomfortable. not with couponing. it is getting worse and worse every week/day. i think i might have gastritis. i know it sounds like i am being dramatic and i'm sure some of you might right me off completely to being a hypochondriac. i will say that josh was the one who came up with gastritis after i told him my symptoms.

the one thing that will 100% of the time make me anxious is appointments. any kind of appointment. even if it is something i want to do. like couponing. in couponing you have rotating sales. drug stores, walmart and target on sunday and grocery stores on wed. now, here in denton there are ALOT of couponers. ALOT. And most of those are not LDS. this means that if you want any of the good sales you have to go first thing monday morning because most people go on sunday. this means no sleep sunday night. so, if i am lucky enough to get what i want on monday morning then i have tuesday to "relax". that is, if there aren't any clearance sales that are found while people are out on monday. also, it takes me a few days to come down from a high stress situation. so pretty much no down time. then grocery on wed. i have a leg up here since i can go the same time as everyone else. if i can get the girls together that late in the week. thursday and friday are usually slower because most of the good stuff is gone. this changes once again if there are any good clearance sales going on or if you missed your stuff on monday and have to wait for restocking later in the week.

it sounds like i should have plenty of time to coupon calmly right? well, in between therapy, feeding, bathing and nap time i do. oh wait there is that other kid too. i think my blood pressure is going up just typing about it. yep.

so why have i continued? i get things for free. free. the thought of not getting something we need for free makes me even sicker. it's like i opened Pandora's Box.

A Huge Deal for Me

i probably should have waited until i had gone to all my store for the day before getting all excited about what i got. i updated below.

so i have tried to get into couponing several times but have always gotten frustrated and my anxiety goes through the roof. so i stop. i mean, i have enough things i don't like to do in my life already. well, several friends at church are very into couponing and it always stings to see how much stuff they got and for how little. so i gave it one more try. josh got me a Sunday paper and i looked at some local forums. so, with all my IPs, TQs, and paper Qs in hand, along with two girls a little sleepy and hungry we went to the store. here is what i got.

2 Glade Fabric and Air Odor Eliminator Tropical Mist
2 Glade Fabric and Air Odor Eliminator Pet Odor Eliminator (it smelled better then the clean linen)
2 Dove Ultimate Pomegranate and Lemon Verbena Scent Deodorant
2 Dove Body Mist Pomegranate and Lemon Verbena Scent
2 Dove Ultimate Cucumber and Green Tea Scent Deodorant
2 Dove Body Mist Cucumber and Green Tea Scent
4 Scrubbing Bubbles Daily Shower Power Sprayers
4 Bottles Garnier Fructis Daily Care Cream Conditioner
2 boxes Scrubbing Bubbles Vanish Drop-ins
2 Travel Size Aloe Fresh Lotion
2 Bottles Garnier Fructis Anti-humidity Hair Spray
4 boxes Eggo Waffles




I am very pleased with myself for my first haul. now for the good stuff. the cost.

Total price before coupons $99.66

Total after coupons............$9.12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update: i just found 2 $5 rebates for some of my items so my new total is...i made .88 cents!

when i told Isa she said "wow, target has never done anything like that before."
I said "well, you need the right pieces of paper for it to work."

her response was priceless "yeah, then her response was priceless "yeah, then target can be awesome."

here are my goodies after going to walgreens and CVS.

walgreens
1 box of grape nuts.
1 bottle of Listerine whitening plus restoring mouthwash
1 32oz bottle of honey
1 schick hydro 3 razor
2 jumbo reese's candy bars
2 jumbo kit kat bars

CVS
2 bags of reeses minitures
2 bags of special dark miniatures
6 renuzit air fresheners
6 right guard deodorants



isa loved going shopping with me today. she wanted to be in the picture "for scale".


rather then breaking it down by store it sounds cooler if i tell you the total for the day.

$184.33


here is what i paid minus all coupons and rebates.

$10.94!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i saved 94%. josh wants to know if i can do this every week. i'm not sure. i am pretty tired.

Isa's Birthday and another suprise

so my biggest baby is 7. 7. it makes me feel so old. and yes i know i will only feel older as she gets older so please don't point it out. her birthday fell while she was still in school so we sent cupcakes for her class. she loved it. we decided that instead of inviting a bunch of little girls to our tiny apartment we would only invite three. isa was fine with it and even chose f\some easy activites that actualy made my life esaier. she wanted to make their own pizzas and decorate cupcakes for the cake. nice for me because i didn't have to make dinner or a cake. the girls were crazy hyper though. they party flew by. they all had good time and the house was trashed. Isa loved her presents and didn't behave like as is as spoiled as she is. a success in my book.






on saturday she had her recital for dance. all the girls did a great job and isa had a blast.





then the suprise. EVERY morning is a crying fest at my house. beasue of hair. if you even come close to isa with a brush she cries. so we decided to cut her hair after her recital (she needed a bun). she chickened out a couple of times but in the end she did amazing. she held still and played with em. it also didn't take nearly as long this time. i guess i am getting better.

before



after


when em's therapists came this week they all loved her hair. her speech therapist amy was down right shocked when she asked how i knew how to cut layers and i told her i googled it. i think appalled is a better word. they turned out really well though so who cares.

My Good Things List

1) Isabella loves school
2) Em is taking some steps on her own
3) Em is eating by mouth... at least a little bit.
4) Isabella still likes Em even though she sucks sometimes.
5) Em is Satting in the 90s by herself when she sleeps.
6) I am not totally fat yet.
7) Josh is done with his first year of school. only 2 more to go!
8) Em has 5 words.
9) I get to go to NC this summer!
10) I like my long hair.


i think that is enough for now. i just figured i complain so much that when i thought of something good i should share.

sometimes i feel like i'm walking backward. like the wind is blowing in my face and no matter how determined i am to go forward when i start, eventually the wind pushes me back.

part of me wonders why i even go. if i just stood still, and went nowhere, no body would die. maybe. if i wasn't moving then maybe the hits wouldn't feel so hard. the only problem is, no body would get anywhere. and i have responsibilities.

i feel like most people would describe me as paranoid. but sometimes my nightmares are real. all too real.

In My Spare Time

i found this website on another blog. http://knockoffwood.blogspot.com/ is totally amazing! i love looking through all the plans and imagining what they would look like in my house. so with all this extra time on my hands i decided to build something. the only problem is i don't really have any tools. so i bought a circular saw. i know, what was i thinking? it's a pretty powerful tool and can do some serious damage to wood and me. it freaks me out. i always heard "measure twice, cut once". well, i measured like 4 times and cut once. i cut wrong. a lot. i figured a little bit here and there wouldn't make a huge difference right? wrong. i will be getting my wood cut for me in the future.

here is most of my lumber. still some trim to go.


so, i live in an apartment. not a tiny one but definitely not one with building room in it. so after josh left my kitchen turned into my "shop". it was very stressful. it turns out there are many other little tools i needed to make the job easier. like clamps to hold the wood while i glued and hammered. i was definitely working up a sweat. i started at 9:30am with a therapist coming at 11:30. plenty of time right? not with a baby crawling all over your construction area. there was a lot of yelling and one very black and blue finger. i have never blackened a finger before and am still not sure how i did it with only 6 inches of hammer space but what can i say, I'm gifted. it got a little tricky to hold the nails with my hurt finger but there was no way i was stopping. part of the way through josh called. em wasn't happy that i was talking to him and crawled over and puked right on my bookshelf! on purpose. she looked right at me after as if to say "that will teach you"! i finished the bare bones construction just as the therapist arrived.

here it is raw.


they i started to cry a little. it looked horrible and was even more rickety. i had just wasted some much time and money on a bookshelf that was supposed to be better then one i could get cheap at the store and i had failed. luckily ii was to weak to do what i wanted to with it (which was pound it into a million little pieces). after letting it sit for a while i had another look. i guess it was because of the glue setting and such but it is a lot more sturdy now. i also met my best friend. wood filler. i was able to fill in the 1/4 inches here and there where my cutting skills lacked. after a little sanding i felt a lot better.


i decided to let Isa pick the paint since it was her bookshelf. little did i know she had such...interesting taste in paint. after several break downs on both out parts we settled on these colors. I'm not sure if you can tell but the shelves and side are "Ariel's Song" and the trim is "Underwater Dance". cute if i do say so myself. i couldn't paint with em around so after the girls went to bed i painted up a storm. it needed two coats so it took a while. totally worth it when i saw Isa's excitement this morning. she told me i could put it in her room and put the books on it but that "she had some ideas of her own for decorating it".







i have enough lumber for one for em too but i have to let my finger heal first. i hate leaving projects half finished but one is about all i can handle right now.

My Weekend "Break"

so allergy season is in full swing here in denton. lucky for me i don't seem to have them. this year. sadly for isa, em and josh they all have a terrible case. even on her zyrtek em was super congested. isa was too but for her it isn't a huge deal. i can just give her nose spray and she can handle it. em is a different story. when she get super congested she can't clear it out. she doesn't cough well and if she does, she pukes about half the time. this problem leads to other more severe ones.


two not feeling so good girls cuddling.

on saturday she woke up burning up. when i took her temporal temp it said 100 so i gave her Motrin and went back to bed. i am kicking myself now and should have trusted my instincts. later that day i decided to check her temp rectally. poor thing. she didn't feel very hot to me but i took it anyway. 104.6. i can only imagine what her temp was during the night.

since this isn't my first rodeo i packed several days worth of feeding supplies, clothes and things to keep em busy. she isn't very easy to keep in the hospital. she wasn't to be up and playing but she can't get on the floor there. YUCKY. so within a few minutes i was off to the ER. we got checked in quickly. they saw us quickly and ordered and completed the test quickly. then everything stopped. several major cases came in and there were police involved. i tried to stay out of the way yet still make sure they knew we were still there.



em got REALLY bored.

5 hours later they came back to tell my she had pneumonia. really?!? i had no idea! they had already put an IV in since we were pretty sure she would have to be admitted and we needed blood anyway. i was fully prepared to beg for us to go home, have me flush the IV and come back the next day for her next dose of antibiotics. luckily i didn't have to grovel because the dr on call for my pediatrician thought her vitals were good enough to get a dose int eh ER and then a z-pack and home. the ER doc said if i was more comfortable with staying though... i didn't let him finish. i tel him know i would very much like to go home.

another hour later they finally came to discharge us. when the nurse started chatting with me about em's syndrome and such i wanted to scream "I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 6 HOURS WITH A 18 MONTH OLD. I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!" she was really curious about em's hearing loss though because her son also has some hearing loss so i couldn't yell at her. so after a little bit longer i finally got out of there.

em seems to be doing well. the only thing that has me worried is the fact that the spot on her lung is the same spot that was there a month ago. she was on antibiotics then so i am wondering why it wont be gong away. maybe some scaring. we'll see what her pediatrician says next week. she is tolerating her breathing treatments well. we scored a pedantic breathing mask from the ER. pediatric anything is really hard to get your hands on.



i am sooooooo glad we didn't have to stay in the hospital over night. it just feels gross.

on a cute side note. em has decided her new all time favorite movie is Enchanted. i though it was a bit weird since it is mostly. real people through the movie and not much animation but either way, she loves it. she will only hold still for her breathing treatments if we watch it. she even fussed at me for talking to josh through her favorite musical number. silly girl. me i mean.

Spring Break

we didn't want to just sit around for spring break so we decided to go on several day trips. on Monday we went to the outlet mall in Allen. josh needed some new clothes. plus i love outlets. oddly though i ended up not getting anything. we didn't take any pictures there. then we went to Dallas to eat here.



my cousin Traci told us about it and we had to go. Isa was so excited when we pulled up. em couldn't look away.

on Tuesday we went to the Dallas Nature and Science Museum. It was fun but a bit stressful. there were a ton of people there and we had to wait in line for line 30 minutes before we could get tickets. in the end we got an annual pass because it was a great deal and it works for several museums back home that i loved as a kid. The Catawba Science Center and Discovery Place.

They are awesome and we will be able to go while we are home for our summer visit. Since it was spring break there were a TON of people there. it was a bit crazy and i wasn't able to really teach Isa anything because you practically had to shove kids out of the way so they wouldn't take things from your kid. i hate it when people just let their kids tun wild but that is a while other topic. Here are some cute pictures.


she really liked the bubbles. she was getting pretty good at bouncing them by the end.



the had huge sandboxes for fossil digging under and around the Dino bones. i think that was her favorite.

outside they had some sculptures that went out on the little pond by the museum. she had a lot of fun on those but she kept freaking out that josh was going to push her in. plus it was really windy so we didn't stay long.




she was pretty scared to go out there because she had to jump over a muddy spot half way. she made it though.




Emmeline tried to be a good sport.



in the end she couldn't do it. she fell asleep as soon as we came inside. you can kind of see in the corner, but there was a display of sculptures made of girl scout cookie boxes. they were pretty neat.

for dinner josh picked a restaurant from Diners Drive-ins and Dives. It was called Twisted Root. it was good. josh loved it but i ended up not feeling very well so i couldn't judge it fairly.


playing while waiting for our food.

Wednesday we took a much needed break. we were all tired and josh had some work to do.

on Thursday we wen to fort worth. traffic was horrible going and coming. we drove out at 11:30 and were in traffic for a LONG time. then we ended up going home during rush hour. bad choice i know but my decision making wasn't so good since i had low blood sugar and a very tired baby. anyway. we went to the Forth Worth Modern Art Museum first. em and i waited outside since she was eating (public feedings make josh nervous because of the possible puke) and i had forgotten my student id for my discount ticket. josh and Isa liked it though. next we went to the Forth Worth Botanic Garden. It was pretty but a lot of things were still dead. we enjoyed walking around though. i think it would be really fun to take a picnic and some sport stuff next time.

Isabella had a really fun time playing in the hollowed out log. as you can see so did a lot of other kids.



em was getting a bit antsy in the stroller so we walked a bit.





then some cute pictures. you can't really tell from this but she was crying for me to pick her up. apparently she isn't a fan of nature.

all in all it was a bit to bright for her so i used my jacket to make her this.

it looks like she was trying to crawl our but she actually liked it and would hold the flap up to peek out.

next came my big surprise for josh and Isa.

i don't know if you can see the sign but my mom called a while ago and told me that she found out that they have Mellow Mushroom in Forth Worth! they were really excited!



they had these panted bulls out front so we had to have a picture.

Friday we went to the park but i didn't take any pictures. needless to say that by Saturday we all needed another rest. it was a fun spring break but I'm glad they only happen once a year.

on the way to somewhere

so the other day i volunteered to pick up isa from school for josh. normally i am at home with em while she is napping. that day, however josh was home and doing some work so i offered to get isa so he could keep working for a bit longer. something weird happened.

it was a pretty warm day. for januray anyway. the sun was warm on my skin but the breeze was still cool. i drove the saab (it is isa's favorite). i turned on a CD and cranked up the volume. i can't normally do that because it annoys others in the car. plus with a loud stereo and loud kids it not as much fun. out of reflex i guess, i rolled down the windows. all the way. i haven't done that in a long time. once again, it makes others (isabella) uncomfortable to have all that wind.

that is when it happened..........i caught my breath as it hit me. no, not a car. a sensation i hadn't felt in a long time. deep in my gut i could feel it. it was megan. i smiled and teared up at the same time. in the blink of an eye my emotions were transported back in time. to a time where my cares were lite and my insides didn't feel like a knot. when i noticed the little things, and they made me happy. when i could take off and go to the park with isa. we would run and play in the grass. we had no where we needed to go. no appointments. nothing. just playtime, and after that who knows, who cares.
i breathed the feeling in. savoring the person i missed. then, just as quickly as she had come she started to fade. it was like she was leaving with the breath i exhaled. i wanted to hold her in. to feel like me for a bit longer. i knew it wouldn't work, but i still wanted to. as she vanished i tired to repeat whatever i had done to find her. i guess it was kind of like faking being happy though. or telling the same joke over and over. it's just not the same. this was no different. she wasn't fooled.
i was sad to see her go but glad she came. at least now i know she is still there somewhere right? even if she is small and rarely seen. that's got to count for something...someday...somewhere.