Pumpkining

I love pumpkin patches! They kind of force me to feel fall. Unless it's hot then my brain kind of freaks out. We were lucky enough to have a cool streak this week so it ended up being the perfect week to go to the patch. Well, except that we had 3 other appointments that morning. :( . So I canceled 2 of the 3 and off we went. It wasn't as cool as the patch we went to for homeschool days when we first moved here but that patch was an hour away so I'll take 20 minutes and a moderate amount of fun instead.

Part of the big draw for this patch is all their cute cutouts for pictures. It was super sunny though so Em didn't really want to open her eyes pretty much the whole time. She did still offer up some cuteness you can see below.

Em tried the bouncy house. Try that with no vestibular system!

Isa was a great big sister and took Em through the maze

It helped that she could see over the top

Not really made for a kid her size but I couldn't resist

In the pumpkin house

Notice a theme in the next few pictures? I swear she just started doing it herself!

It was like she was saying "Mom, it is way to bright out here. This is all you're going to get". I'll take it!!

Sleep Deprived and Cool

Whenever the weather gets cool and I don't get much sleep it makes me reminisce. I think of Emmeline shortly after she was born. When she was doing her very best to scare us to death. I should have known that she was just messing with me. No matter what we did it always seemed like she was in total control. That she could "stop" at anytime and we could all go home. We did what we thought was our best, and what was best for her. I wonder if she will agree? Or if she will think that with a good nap we would have been thinking more clearly and done things differently?

Oddly I feel safer this time of year. More at peace. Less scared. Back then I had a whole hospital to help me. Plus I had no idea what was one the road ahead. I thought "if we can just make it thought this we can go home and start our normal life". A thought that is laughable now.

I miss the hospital, I miss the Ronald McDonald House, the nurses, the rooftop playground, the Condon's, the janitor I would chat with everyday, the toy room, and the pediatrician from back home who would call to check on the patient he hadn't met yet.

I have met some really amazing people through all this. Some were amazingly stupid but amazing none the less. I'm sure I'll meet more of both. But for now I will try and remember that feeling of safety. The time when everyone had my back. While I had Emmeline's.

Tomato, Boxed Velveeta Dinner?

When someone asks me what they can save money on couponing I always tell them the same thing. Not healthy food. Personal care items will be raining from the sky. I have the more razors, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss, lotion, body wash, you name I have more of it then cabinet space.

Let me clarify a bit. By healthy food I mean something that is not processed, carb heavy, boxed food. I can get a ton of "Whole Grain" stuff. When I want healthy, I want low calorie. There might be a random produce coupon every once in a blue moon but not enough.

I am so sick of these coupon websites trying to get me to buy Velveeta boxed dinners just because they are free. YAY! Free Fat!!! Who wouldn't want that? Um, me and my hips. Why can't I get a a free box of tomatoes?!

Now my coupon sites are going crazy because there is cheap Great Grains Post cereal on sale this week. Still not healthy. That stuff is not only high in calories but loaded with sugar. Well, more sugar then something deemed "healthy" should be. It is so infuriating!!! Just because it says whole grain on it doesn't make it good for you!!!!! Otherwise my idea of "Whole Grain Cheese" would have really taken off.

I Thought You Meant Someone On The AH List

At dinner the other night I asked Josh if he could have his picture taken with any celebrity of the opposite sex who would it be. He answered pretty quickly that he would pick Catherine Zeta-Jones. I have to admit I was surprised. I figured it would be Christine Taylor or a Deschanel sister.

Then he asked me who I would choose. When I answered that I would probably choose Michael Shanks, he kind of chuckled and said "Oh, I thought you meant someone on the AH list". I was insulted by this. Next he said he thought Michael was a little too dorky to be a top pick. Again, I was insulted. Maybe he originally played a dorky character but that character ended up kicking some serious A$#. Very manly. Plus I'm pretty sure by the end of the series his arms were bigger then my head. I'm not usually attracted to muscular cut guys (no I am not saying josh is fat or un-muscular so don't even start that) but I make an exception here for the sake of humanity.

Pretty dorky but still cute.

More manly

More manly because he is carrying a gun. That he has killed bad guys with. How do I know that from a head shot? Yes, I know the full uniform and that he has a gun strapped to his right leg.

(Origin of "The AH list")

The Dry Well

I find this sentiment applies to multiple areas of my life right now. First I can't seem to come up with clever or interesting blog posts. Is my life really that boring? I feel really busy but I guess deep down I know it's a busy that no one else really wants to hear about. Next it applies to close local friends. It is super hard for me to make and keep close friends now days. I just end up being flaky and hard to get a hold of which aren't good friend qualities. Then comes all family relationships that I need to "invest" myself in. Not much there to invest. I feel like my well is dry. I would gladly give what I have but who would want it? It's like offering someone your half eaten, smushed sandwich. You get this look like "really, this is all you've got? Well, OK."

Here's to hoping something fun interesting happens to me soon. I like fun interesting.

Isa's Bridging Ceremony

Isa had her re-dedication/bridging ceremony today for Girl Scouts. It was super cute. I a m so glad she loves Girl Scouts like I do. We are super excited for her first troop camp out in October! She had several big roles and felt very important.

Job #1 Color Guard

She was very worried she would be late and the flag would touch the ground.

The Girl Scout pledge

Job #2 reading part about what the world would be like if people didn't help each other

Pinning with her troop leader

Posing picture

She also had another speaking part where she read a very cute poem written to make parents cry. Evil poem. I did not take pictures of it though because I was recording it. I am not computer or blogger savvy enough to get it off my phone let alone put it on here so you will just have to take my word for how cute she was. Cute. Side note, she is wearing tights and a pink leotard under her clothes because we had to rush from Nutcracker rehearsal and fitting to get there in time. Busy but totally worth it.

"You've Done This Before Right?"

So, when I went to do my couponing on Monday I was pretty bummed that they were completely out of pretzel M&Ms. I ,you see, had the prefect scenario where I would only be paying .25 per bag. So, I decided to wait until the truck came in later in the week in hopes they would replenish their pretzel M&M stock. I went in today with the girls for my precious M&Ms. They only had one bag. I needed 4. This is where it gets a bit technical.

I was determined to not let it get me down though, so instead of using my $1/1 pretzel M&M coupon I used my $1.50/2 any M&M coupon. Walgreens has a rule that you can't use more manufacturer coupons then you have items. So, off I go to the register with my 4 bags of M&Ms and my 3 coupons. 2 $1.50/2 M&M coupons and a Walgreens reward coupon. let's all do the math. 4 items, 3 coupons. All good right? When I got to the register I saw the not so new girl working the front. Blerg. Not going to let it get me down. I smile and make small talk. Try to compliment her a bit to warm her up. Just in case.

Then sure enough I get the coupon beep. This happens when for some reason the computer thinks you are breaking the rules or when they just want the cashier to check your items to make sure you are buying what you are supposed to. Anyway, she tells me that I don't have enough items. I smile, and tell her that I do in fact have enough items. She says I don't. I continue to smile and pull out the items in bag. "See, 4 items, 3 coupons." Then she really pushed me too my limits. she actually says, complete with rude look.

"You've done this before right? you know sometimes you need to add an item?" I told my brain to smile, I really did. I cannot however vouch for my actual facial expression. My internal voice said something like this. "YES I HAVE "DONE THIS BEFORE". HAVE YOU!??!! OH, THAT'S RIGHT YOU ARE JUST A KNOW IT ALL CASHIER WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS NOTHING!!! READ YOUR STORE'S COUPON POLICY!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE WORST!!!!

What I actually said was something more like this. " Yes, I do know that you have to add an item if you have too many coupons, but I don't have too many coupons. "

Her response was priceless. "Well, What do you want me to do?"

UM, YOUR JOB!!?? PUSH THE MANUAL MANUFACTURER COUPON BUTTON THAT I KNOW YOU HAVE AND TYPE IN $5 SO I CAN GET THE HECK AWAY FROM YOU!!

Smile. Smile. "Why don't you try the coupons in a different order?" bingo.

Megan = 1 + 4 bags of yummy M&Ms!

Mean Cashier = 0 and hopefully some super karma butt kicking in the near future.

The Morgue

I think I am reaching that point of a beating where you just lay there and hope they think you are dead and leave you alone. That if you don't fight they will think they won and finally stop. I feel like most of my last 7 years have been one beating after another. I must have screwed over someone really important without noticing and now karma has come for me. I look old and what's even more fun, my body is literally falling apart. I can't get away. From really anything. I try to "hide" from feeling sick all the time by keeping busy, which works until the fatigue kicks in and makes me stop. Then I'm tired and sick. I try to hide from whiny Emmeline but she found my closet. It's no wonder she is delayed. The only way to get away is to turn on Rugrats and let her little brain rot. Then I don't really get away because I feel guilty for neglecting her. I could be drilling her colors, or doing PT on the ball, or working on stringing beads for OT, or heck, talking to her so maybe she will talk back. Oh, wait, then there is Isabella. That's right I actually have two kids. Wish that didn't slip my mind so much.

These kind of posts are tricky. You want to be honest, but you don't want to freak people out. That's right folks, the above it edited for the public. Isn't my head fun. Anyway, i guess it's better then the other stuff in there. So...do I look dead yet?

A Life So Far

So, Em is 3. I feel old. She is old. We are going through a lot of changes. i am in denial a bout most of them. I am unsure about a lot of things right now. One thing i know for sure is that my little 3 year old AWESOME!!! she has come amazingly far in her 3 short years. I couldn't find some of the pictures i wanted. I honestly felt like we didn't take that many pictures of Emmeline. mostly because i didn't really want t o be remembering what we were going through. then i realized that we would be going through "it" for a while so i started taking pictures. apparently we took more then i thought because there were a TON to go through. Anyway i figured the pictures explain most of it so i wont go on for a long time here. i will say the pictures definitely leave out the vomit i was swimming in for 2 years. Plus the last few days. lucky you.

still in there.

barely not in there.

whole. this is before any of her 8 surgeries.

cute little Buddha picture.

The hardest day and the beginning of many more.

Isa finally getting to visit.

Isa holding her.

Post G-tube installation. This one was the hardest for me. I chose to permanently scar her.

First Halloween. same day as G-tube

Her own little prison.

She had to wear the O2 24/7 back then because babies nap so much.

Her sleep set up. She still twirls her hair when she sleeps.

Working hard.

She got hours and hours of PT with Appy in NC.

First Christmas

One of many ventings.

More Appy therapy. Really.

Yes it looks like i am sitting on my daughter's chest. No, I am not really. This machine is a godsend but we both hate using it. Our power booger sucker!

Sometimes it's just to hard.

Playing at the park.

Scottish pride. She won best legs in a kilt form the local radio station!

Cousin play time. Before she felt confident with her balance.

Just darn cute!

She did not appreciate her 1st birthday cake. When we moved i set a goal with her speech therapist that she would eat at least one bite of her 2nd birthday cake with out crying. See below.

Right after we moved to Texas.

I'm not sure why she smiling here because I remember her crying at this cake too. maybe she wasn't sure what it was yet.

Bath face.

Ready to play in her first snow. She didn't care for it.

Christmas sister kisses.

The tongue helps with core strength of course.

1st sleep study. Worst night in a hospital EVER!

Our winters, and sometimes summers.

2nd birthday cake.

Sliding on her own at the Dallas Nature and Science Museum.

2nd sleep study. Josh did this one for me. :)

Respect the bun!!

Her best friend Eeyore. We start back with him on Friday!!!!!

The tiny Chef.

Yep. That's my girl. Go ahead, tell her she can't do something!

Too Organized

I like to know where things are and I usually do. At any given moment if josh or isa ask where to find something i know where about 85% of the time. during the reorganization re-haul on the house a few weeks ago i made sure everything had a place and was in it's place. my big problem is...i don't remember the places i put everything. i'm sure at the time my reasoning to place something where i did made sense to me. now it does not. this might have to do with the fact that everything got moved around or that my cognitive abilities are slightly impaired right now or a combo of both. most things i can't find aren't a big deal right then. one big thing i am missing however is my card reader for my digital camera. this in turn means no cute pictures i have been taking for the last few months for my blog readers. just boring whiny words. sorry. not even much of those really. sorry again.
life hasn't been going exactly smoothly lately. after my june joint swelling my health hasn't really been getting any better. nausea, vertigo, dizziness, and week long migraines have been happening more and more here. it has made reading for more then 2-5 minutes impossible without getting sick much less any typing. sometimes i can do nothing at all and be huddled in the bed incapacitated. not fun for anyone. especially josh. he has been great, if not incredibly freaked out. i am not a sickly person. so for me to be incapacitated means i am in trouble. with him in school now it has gotten a bit more difficult but still manageable. thank goodness.
add to all my fun emmeline graduating from ECI to public school therapy and isa homeschooling and i don't know where i get the time and energy to be sick. the school system better start being nicer or they will soon learn why Perkins' are usually quarantined when they are sick.
in the mean time i guess i should mess the house up again so i can find things.

The This'

I'm sick. It might be this, this, this, or this. the problem I have is that i also have this and when doctors hear that they stop listening. i can see their point. why waste their time? it's all in my head right?
gosh i hope so. that would be so much easier. but in reality i have had anxiety for as long as i can remember. i'm an old pro at it. i know how it feels. i have never felt like this before. weak, slow, dizzy, loss of focus, nauseous, joint swelling, fatigue, migraines and yes anxious! who wouldn't be when you have been otherwise healthy your whole life and then all of a sudden start falling apart! i feel sick more then i don't. i think it is the not knowing why that freaks me out the most. is it progressive? am i just going to get sicker and sicker until i can't even function? scared and quite frankly at a loss.

Busy, Busy, Busy

so, I pretty much failed my blog goals this year. well, one of them. i really wanted to keep up with this blog a little better then i have the last month or so. i have been busy but nothing out of the ordinary. my drive just wasn't there. i already had to live it, i didn't want to re-live it by typing it all out. anyway.
em's cardiology appointment went well overall. we aren't having surgery in the near future because after a year of doing nothing the hole in her heart has started to close and the swelling that was happening is going down. great news huh? mostly. the down side is, we still can't do nursery or preschool. we can however go the the park and story time at the library as long as there are no visibly sick kids there. so we start her evaluations to get her home bound preschool 4 days a week in a few weeks. :(
also, the orthopedic specialist said he doesn't think she has scoliosis, but that the "curve" they saw is merely positional since there were no other abnormalities or rotations in her spine!
we almost moved out of our apartment and into a house. almost. in the end we decided that moving wasn't the smartest decision for us right now. we did however decide that we have WAY to much stuff! I have spent the better part of 1.5 weeks completely gutting our apartment and ridding it of anything we don't actually use or need. i opted not to do before and after pictures because 1)i always forget until the after and 2) i don't really want people to see how poorly i organize my stuff. i did keep a tally of how many boxes and bags of trash and giveaway stuff left the house.

trash: 14 bags, 5 medium boxes
giveaway: 8 larger boxes, 4 bags

it makes me kind of sad that i have been storing all that crap in the place i am trying to live for the last 2 years. i also scrubbed EVERY surface of our kitchen. it was nasty! which took my almost 9 hours. it feels good to know that whatever is in here now is what we actually need and use. that is not to say that in another month i wont find more stuff to get rid of. i LOVE to get rid of stuff. plus having a clean organized house helps me wrap my brain around my next big task. homeschooling.